I am not too sure if it was William Wordsworth or Tupac Shakur who said 'Revenge is the sweetest thing next to getting pussy'.....I guess its Tupac cos i am certain that Wordsworth would have used more flowery language.. anyway its this quote that comes to mind when i retrospect.
As i have been vengeful many a time... not always sucessful.. sometimes very successful...and my revenge, i had.. either way it aint that sweet.. I am sure there are many things sweeter than revenge.. the feeling of exhilaration one gets after seeing a great movie... the emotion of achievement you get when you finish reading a brilliant book.. the sense of wonder you feel when you visit a new place or sight the Taj Mahal for the first time....the satisfaction that hits you when you get a child to smile...the meaningfulness your life gets after realising you have helped someone out through your actions... Much Sweeter !!!
But sugar is sweetest when you take it to remove the bitterness... this holds true in my life as well.. and nothing makes me feel more bitter than regret... as i type this post there is a lot of regret in my heart.... regret of not taking hold of the opportunity to go along with my father to his hometown, Kottayam, this weekend..This is the first time he is going there since i was born.. as his family have moved to Trivandrum, the capital of the state of Kerala, my visits to Kerala have always been restricted to Trivandrum (or Thiruvananthapuram)...always wanted to go and see the house that he was born in... the tank where his grandma refused to let him swim ( owing to which he never learnt to swim )... the school where he studied his first lessons, the college where he learnt the important ones...the town that made him the man he is today.. I presumed that i would be more busy than what i have been this weekend...and decided not to go... Bitter !!!
Regret not taking up Tamil as a third language in school as I believed Sanskrit would get me more marks...this in the fourth standard and till the eight.. after going to the ninth, not once has anyone ever asked me what my grades were in the eight standard...not even once... I can't read the bus boards...the posters...read the local papers...why ?...cos well they are all written in Tamil... Bitter !!!
Regret amongst other things not knowing what sarcasm was when i was in third standard.. cos i assume it was sarcasm that made the guy who discovered Greenland name it so.... and in all my eight year old wisdom.. i wanted to go to a green place for the summer hols and asked my dad to take me to Greenland...and he being the man that he was and is, promptly agreed ( Damn sarcasm...although i think i have grown up to embody a bit of the sarcasm myself ), much to the delight of the wiser eight year olds, right up to the not so wise eighty year olds... as i would proudly exclaim to anyone i met that i am off to Greenland for the summer... one fifteen year old actually stroked my head and burst out laughing inspite of trying hard not to laugh at an innocent kid (ME) that he ended up flushing my face... Bitter !!!
Regret not having the gumption and the freedom to go upto my parents and thank them for ensuring that i grew up in a secure home... thank them for ensuring that none of my wants were left unanswered ( but for the Greenland trip ).. thank them for providing me the means to stand up and fall, knowing fully well that I had to stand up again cos crying would not serve any purpose.. thank them for ensuring that there was never a fall that i could not get up from...thank them for exposing me to books, movies, sports, places, sights and sounds... things they didnt get so easily when they were my age.... Bitter !!!
Regret not being able to tell friends who have suffered loss of dear ones, family problems, financial insecurities, physical deficiencies - but still living normal or extra ordinary lives - that they have greatness in them... Bitter !!!
But amidst all the regrets i have the sugar that tastes the sweetest... Hope !!!
I hope to take my dad to Kottayam one day... with me taking care of all the expenses.. hope to tell my mom that i missed her cooking when i was away and to thank her for letting me have differing thoughts on many issues inspite of the pain it undoubtedly causes her... hope to learn tamil and read the Thirukural....hope to make some of my friends realise how great they are... and most of all, hope to go to Greenland and blog a one line post that says - BEAT THAT, FACE FLUSHER !!
No comments:
Post a Comment