NeoMonkisms

TV and the Holy Indian Family Communion

2011-08-10T23:43:00.000+05:30

It took a brand new, recently occupied, neatly furnished – nice dining table, modular kitchen, shelves, fancy sanitaryware - 3 BHK flat in Goregaon (E) to make me realise what, for me, makes a house a home. Well… the house didn’t have a TV… Yeah, I do miss my mom and all that jazz but I still vote for the TV!

The truth is no self-respecting middle class Indian family bonds over the dinner table. Not for us… the what happened at work today honey? Did you know what happened in Science class today? Dinner Talk is matter of fact, military order like - eat more curd, don’t eat so much papadam you will stink up the place! Over the course of time the conversation becomes perfected that it transcends words and sentences and ascends to grumbles and nose pointing… where you point at dishes with your nose cos your right hand is busy stuffing food into your mouth and your left hand is busy with the remote.

My family and I have had some good times with our TV… childhood was restricted to weekend morning cartoons and the Hindu myths of Mahabharat, Ramayan et al and of course the big daddy of family bonding – Sunday evening movie. Most of the times, if not all the time, the movie was some shitty silver jubilee from the times my grandmother’s grandmother was a doe eyed teenager. A smattering of glamour thanks to Oliyum Oliyum and Chitrahaar and then the introduction to adulthood thanks to Junoon which later got dubbed into Tamil as Pidivaadam, probably the brain child of the then Chennai DD Director who could have been trying to get into the good books of the Dravidians and ensuring that he won’t get transferred again.

But the DD days didn’t see any dialogues amongst my family. Yeah, most of us did spend a lot of time in front of the TV during the shows mentioned above… but we just sat and watched… no questions raised, no concerns arose. For that the credit goes to Cable TV.

The arrival of cable and an episode of Baywatch featuring sharks gave my father and his 9 and 5 year old sons a common show to watch and it gave my mother a reason to rant. To her, mouth to mouth CPR was just kissing and she was shocked that it was coming on the box that had previously shown the pious and most definitely fictional, relationship of Rama and Sita. The orange sari had changed to bright red swim suits and girls in underwear. That episode also heralded a new word in my vocabulary – bikini.

Fall Guy, Manimal, Wonder Years, Doogie Howser, MASH… all great shows… ok fine Manimal was not a great show, it was a terrible show in fact… but the rest were super shows… but my mom didn’t particularly like them… too much kissing amongst the kids in the US I tell you. It wasn’t until Small Wonder came along that my mom finally trusted cable TV channels… all it took was Tiffany Brissette, not sure if the name or the spelling is right, and her sand paper voice to get my mom to bless our TV watching habits.

Small Wonder led to Home Improvement which later led on to Friends and got my folks questioning the content of TV again… but thankfully sports came along to ease the distrust, especially considering neither of my parents were sports fans.

I am going to end this rather disjointed and indifferent post with the memory of my mother waking me up at 11 pm, rather late for a school night, to ensure that I watch Sachin’s heroics amidst the sandstorm in Sharjah… no wait, maybe I will end with the memory of my dad jumping up from his sofa on seeing Hakkinen’s miracle overtaking manoeuvre at the Hungaroring, or was it Spa Francorchamps… the one where he overtook Schumacher by going around Zonta… no I think the best moment was my mother congratulating me after Pete Sampras won the 1999 Wimbledon by beating Agassi in straight sets… some match that… I bunked my second IIT entrance training class to watch this match and I decided not to pursue IIT during the course of the match, not like I had much of a chance anyways… the funny thing is my mom, like many middle class Indian moms, dreamed of me getting into IIT and for her to have this huge smile on her face and come and celebrate Pete’s win… I tell you, there is nothing like a TV to bring a family closer together!

2010 - Retrospective Tag Cloud

2011-01-01T10:17:00.001+05:30

Bartending, tennis, yoga, flop attempt at JAM, Sherlock Holmes, issues, contemplating to run, deciding not to run, Parents come to Blore, Awesome VTV songs, proposer of SAC members, yearbook work, Rangmanch, purchase @MARS, Publi head, playing God, hostel allocation, SIGMA ban, and C block it is, end terms, convocation, yearbook release, summer internship, mumbai, goregaon, matunga road, kings circle, wadala aunty and her 3 dogs, belle ville, Mak as roomie, ayyapa's dosa, amba bhavan's coffee, Mani's lunch home, Koolhar Irani cafe, Paan at Chowpatty, marine drive, shivaji park, jackfruit idly, arya bhavan, How to train a Dragon, Iron-Man 2, Housefull SUCKS!, sea-link, CST, Bade Miya, Bagdadis, Gokul Bar, Delhi Darbar, Freshers Meet, Haji Ali, Juice Center, Mahalakshmi, Not so Anusmaran, Bro lands in Mumbai, a namesake Marathi joint, Charni Road, Kulfi, Crystal Hotel, Cafe Britannia, Chor Bazaar, Summer ends, Brief stop at Chennai, Marina Beach emotional pangs, starting to betray, start of the year MARS work, C-002, arrival of PGP1s, talks ending in other's tears, completing betrayal, MARS presentation, club recruitments, poker nights @MARS, night outs, campus walks, car dents (DAMNIT!), Inception Rocks, bubble bursting while swinging, birthday pangs, not so over rated one-liner, finding clarity and betraying Kuttaapi, Chennai car ride and nearly killing Choi, Mofa's tee, ovation for social media campaign framework, terrible 4th term ends, Kutaapi's World History, Mettur, Great Ooty-Kotagiri-Coonoor trip, 5th term begins, C&H from Badra, 12 hr bus ride standing via Hosur, Salem, Trichi and finally to Thanjavur, Kumaran weds, Balaji gets engaged, coke and pepsi, arrangements & tests, the letter with grammatical errors, Skype, War Room & Anand Mahindra, Cochin trip, lady poets, Fin courses, Summer Placements of PGP1s, Unmaad work starts, GOA!!! BRILLIANT!!!, Gajaa weds :), Hard Disk stolen from room :(, Shirt from HK, Ludovico Einaudi discovery, waiting... staying up... watching Modern Family, Unmaad Publi progress and disappointments, ACF and Pricing Strategy blues, Media space vs. Marketing Function, New Years Eve L-Square and Unmaad Work, 2011 beckons...

Blog filler slash facebook conversation

2010-10-18T12:35:00.001+05:30

U: well... something is better than nothing ...

V: I am not quite sure if something is always better than nothing da... let us take the example of a sanitation worker in the Indian Railways. he must be praying for days when there is nothing to clean... catch my drift here.

U: haha ... well true but if he has nothing to clean for a long time he'll lose his job ;)

V: Hmmm... point that!

Bengaluru-Chennai Road Trip - In Conversations!

2010-09-06T14:59:00.004+05:30

20:37 Hrs - What’s in a name? @ IIM-B campus

V: We have to call the car something, like a term of endearment

P: Champa...

V: Come on! Some nice girly name...

L: What are you guys talking about?

V: Giving some nice name to the car man

L: Which Car?

P: (in an orgasmic tone) Champaaaaahhh

V: No no... hmmm... ok how about Choi... the registration number is CH-01... kinda reads like Choi na!

P: Choi... sounds Chinese! Wokay with me!

L: You guys are serious about this aren’t you!

21:15 Hrs – When do I get to drive? @ Hosur Road

V: Hey P., when do I get to drive?

P: When you reach home and get to sleep and start dreaming.

V: Hey come on, you can’t be driving the whole journey!

P: Watch me!

L: (grins wide)

22:37 Hrs – Nice Cuppa! @A2B 17 Kms from Hosur

P: That’s some nice coffee I say! Let me buy myself one!

V: (angry with P. for drinking half of his) hmmm, ya I know!

P: (comes back in shock) Shit man, the Coffee costs 20 bucks! Crazy!

L: (grins wide)

00:07 Hrs – Chicken Run @ some toll gate after Krishnagiri on Blr-Chn Highway

P: Look at all those chickens on that truck, man!

L: They know they are going to get killed!

V: Naaa! They don’t have that sense right!

L: Whats there to have sense! They just see one being taken and killed. Its not that hard to figure out that you are going to be next soon.

P: (in an orgasmic tone) have you seen how they are killed?

V: Ya I have and I dont see what the big deal is!

P: It’s not right! There should be a more humane way to it!

L: A more humane way to kill?!?

00:10 Hrs – License to Drive @ some place 3 mins after some toll gate after Krishnagiri on Blr-Chn Highway

P: Ok V., Lets see how u drive now!

V: Ah! Finally!

L: You sure you wanna do this P. ;)

P: Hmmm. Ya, I want to analyse his driving.

V: Analyse, it seems! Ready to go! Start Music!

P: Wear your seat belts!

L: Here we go!

00:15 Hrs – Crash Boom Bang! @ some bridge 5 mins after some place 3 mins after some toll gate after Krishnagiri on Blr-Chn Highway

P: Stop! Brake!

L: Brake!

V: (silence) (braking) (praying)

P: Brake!

CRASH!

L: Shit! That stupid chicken truck!

P: Shit!

V: (silence)

P: I better drive V.

V: Let me just get off this bridge!

01:08 Hrs – Divorce speed & stay married! @ some place on Blr-Chn highway

V: It’s real annoying to see these stupid safety road signs after a crash!

P: Ha ha ha. Dont worry V.! Shit happens!

V: So whats you analysis on my driving P.

P: You drove too fast without knowing how much brakes the car would do! You were going faster than me!

L: Ya but that Chicken Truck could have cut in even when you were going at 100, P. It’s just a question of bad timing for V. I think!

02:45 Hrs – Waste of Parking Space @ V’s home in Chennai

V Mom: (in ok Malayalam) Go bring the car and park it inside! Why have u parked it so far away! Lots of looting going on around this area!

V: (in terrible Malayalam) na... thats ok Amma. I am sure that apartment's watchman will take care of the car.

P: (in Guntur Telugu) Silence... Namaste!

V Mom: (in English) you really should bring the car in. I think its very unsafe outside

V: not to worry amma! Am sure it will be safe. Lets go sleep!

V Mom: Hmmm. Good Night (sniles)

V Dad: Good night

V: Good night

P: er... Good Night!

08:30 Hrs – No Beach! @ V’s home in Chennai

V: Hey P. Wake up man! Its 8:30 we have to be there by 10. Wake Up!

P: Weren't we supposed to go to the beach at 7?

V: We were but as you can see we overslept! so just get up and get ready quick! We can't end up missing G's engagement after all the shit we have gone through! We have to pick up L. from his uncle's place as well!

P: Wokay wokay! Done!

10:00-12:00 Hrs – They are singing a duet @ G's engagment venue, Hotel Matsya, T.Nagar

P: Is this the place?

L: It looks like it!

V: Am sure it is! check the names!

P: Aah there he is!

L: What are they upto? I guess the engagement is over!

V: I think they are about to sing!

P: Thats what they do in an engagement?!?

V: How does it matter? Lets just wait for the food, eat and leave!

V,P,L: (in chorus) Hey Congrats G. Thanks and great food man!

G: Thanks for coming guys! Do drive back safely!

V: Hey P., we should send G. the bill u know!

13:30 Hrs – There goes P's record @ Bangalore highway, Sriperumbudur

CRASH!

P: Where did that truck come from?

V: (smiling)

P: Shit, how did I not see that?

V: (smiling) I am kinda relieved now Papi!

P: F#@$*R

14:30-16:30 Hrs – Random conversations

Are you a virgin? Aren't you disappointed with all the Marks/CG Race? Didn't you think IITians would be smarter/more intelligent? Whats your ultimate aim in life? Do you want to have coffee? Lets get some tea! What is the best way to evaluate an MBA student? Lets take the elevated highway!

17:00 Hrs – Choi gets a heart attack @ Silk Board

P: Oye, what happened to the car man?

V: Huh?

P: Its not starting, push it to the side of the road and lets call the service!

V: you think they will come on a sunday?

P: They better!

Service came on a Sunday!

19:30 Hrs - Returned to IIMB campus!

How to cope with betrayal - Criminal's PoV

2010-07-26T11:31:00.007+05:30

Disclaimer - Not one of those posts I am particularly proud of, lousy, boring, mundane, vague read. So if you are totally jobless, I recommend - http://www.whatay.com/

Life, ideally, should not always go according to plans. It should not be this awesomely scripted piece of fiction playing out as reality with you knowing what exactly comes next. Ever so often, some event will come along that will provide a different perspective of how your life will be unfolding... it may be just a course correction, a small diversion or a major accident and no matter what the magnitude is - you still need to come out of it, at the very least, living!

Ok, now that the standard useless intro is done with... Oh yeah, PoV stands for Point of View shot, that camera angle that shows the audience what the protagonist of that particular scene is seeing. In this case, the orchestrator of the betrayal, the one who breaks faith, trust and in the worst case, hearts as well!

Hard-nosed criminals can stop reading from now. This is not about you! Maybe a later post sometime in 20 yrs might have some expertise on corporate crimes of the illegal kind.

What should the perpetrator do post betrayal, if he/she really cares for the victim? If the betrayal is just a speed bump or a 'take diversion' road blockade and life, for the vicitm and the guilty, just takes another path. Can/should the perpetrator risk it and take a parallel road and keep up with the victim or should the miscreant (therausus.com is opened up on another tab) just take a whole another road and try to avoid the victim?

My two pennies worth - If the intentions of the perpetrator is good than the parallel lane may not be such a bad ride. Now here's where the grey filter is added to the scene. Who decides the goodness of the intentions? What's the cut-off for it to be classified as good? I have not yet got clarity on that one! Nothing like a shade of grey to colour up your life.

If the intentions are bad tilting towards evil, then just run away! No questions asked, no efforts made... you are guilty of a crime of the worst nature! Selfish betrayal of someone who trusted you more than most, if not all!

Yet to figure out which slot I fit into! Hmmm, now off to find some tea!

Towards traffic, Mumbai Local

2010-05-24T10:44:00.006+05:30

I am the beginner the title of the post refers to ( well the title was a beginner's guide to Mumbai Local trains but I kinda changed it but was not in the mood to change the start) and I must confess that over the last 2 months (nearly 2 months) I have had the fortune of travelling against traffic for 98% of the time.

This post would draw on my experiences from the 2% when I got to travel with the traffic. Only 4-5 times did I get to experience the Mumbai trains which are shown in all those photos showing Mumbai's resilience. The ones with all those people hanging out of the compartment. There was even a 3 minute movie which was shortlisted by BBC in one of their Talking Movies' contests which only showed people climbing in and out of Mumbai local trains for 3 minutes. This post draws from the insights captured from those 4-5 trips.

Entering a local train in Mumbai is quite easy actually. All you have to do is to ensure that you stand at least 2-3 feet close to the tracks and as the train enters into the station, the wisdom of the crowds will ensure that you are pushed into the nearest compartment.

And once you enter into the compartment, you may understand the inherent natural urge that makes sunflowers follow the sun when your brain commands you to crane your neck and turn your head in search of oxygen. That is if you are fortunate not to find your head nestling cosily in the armpit of a raunchy old man who ardently believes that the density of pubic hair is a sign of virility.

I am taking a horticultural diversion here. You know the whole sunflower following the sun thingy is flawed. As in I think it may not be true for all sunflowers cos the ones in my campus dont tend to face the sun through the course of the day. Now getting back to those trains.

After all the search for oxygen you find that perfect spot where the angle of the fan is perfectly in accordance with the aerodynamic principles of Bernoulli and you are definitely sure all the mathematical and geometric calculations have been made and like I have previously mentioned the spot you have nailed is perfect and you come against that most dreaded law... Not sure if it was Confucius or if it was one of the Marathikars who said it - "In local trains, when perfect spot found, beatific smiling old man or angelic smiling old lady suddenly comes around!" You just have to give way.

And through it all you hope that the person you stand next to has had time to clear his bowels because in your search for Oxygen the last thing you want to find is Methane or Hydrogen Sulphide. You hope not to stand next to someone who has had beef and mutton pulav to eat the previous day and not had the chance to go in the morning. In other words, you hope that you are not standing next to me!

Overbridge, Matunga Station

2010-05-20T22:49:00.004+05:30

He is a blind beggar. This is not going to be one of those posts where the author tries real hard to capture the times in a truly eloquent and witty way and then stun the reader by springing a twist in the final line by declaring that the protagonist is blind using a very subtle and poetic sentence. Why? Firstly, I think that whole format has become quite stale. Jeffrey Archer has done it to death. Secondly, and probably more importantly, I am not that good a writer.

So the start pretty much puts it across in a straight not so subtle way. The protagonist is a beggar and he is blind. He is this blind beggar who stands at the end of the overbridge in Matunga station towards the East side - Kings Circle Side.

Over the last month and a half or so, I have walked past him almost on a daily basis and I admire the dignity with which he stands over there in that corner. He is either wearing a blue t shirt or a dark blue shirt and thats neatly tucked in to a terycot formal pair of pants which was the fashion of my father's generation but still continues to hold its own today. No formal shoes but a nice pair of leather sandals. And he doesn't make a sound. Singing is not his style. Nor does he plead or implore you to drop some coins. He just stands there, listening., in a corner, trying hard not to disturb or bother you.

I am not sure how much he collects daily and I haven't seen him around on Sundays. He puts in a 6 day or a 5 day week. And that overbridge is all his.

I am more interested to know what all he must be listening to during his 'office hours'. Has he picked up any Tamil from the Matunga crowd? Does he smile in embarrassment listening to teenagers sharing their newly discovered romance or does he nod in cognizance? Can he feel the madness and the rush of many trying to catch their morning commute to work? Does he empathise with the exhaustion of those returning home? Does he wish to see the joys of the kids who run to Shivaji Park for their daily dose of the gentleman's game at Shivaji Park? Was he standing there when the name of Sachin Tendulkar made the rounds around the park? Does he have friends whom he meets and shares a drink with at the end of the day or week? Does he recognise the sound that my bag makes and does he expect some coins in his palms every time the bag comes near?

The daily stroll home... till June

2010-05-02T23:39:00.002+05:30

And the 19:53 Slow train to Churchgate brings me to the stop where I get off - Matunga Road. Start walking towards my right as I disembark from the train and stop at the refreshments stall to buy me a Lichika. It tastes a bit odd for a Litchi drink but its nice nevertheless. Climb up the ramp to reach the Matunga Z-bridge - an asbestos lined ramp which takes one from Western Railway halt (Matunga Road) to the Central line (Matunga) - that takes me over the Railway Coach factory. I think to myself that this a perfect place to have a chase sequence from an action movie, they should get some Vijay movie shot in Mumbai, with him being the gang lord at Dharavi or Sion or some slum or he can be a Dosa master at Ayyappa's road side dosa stall (more on this later)

The Z-bridge ends at the overbridge of Matunga station and I walk past the blind beggar wishing I had some change to give to him just to pay tribute to his presence at the end of the overbridge every single day of the week. As I get down to the roads I see people fervently looking at the lottery numbers on a small kiosk which has these screens flashing numbers. The kiosk stands next to a paper shop that sells Tamil and Malayalam magazines to what must be a regular South Indian clientele brought up in the shady (in terms of tree cover) locales of Matunga.

The Thandai shop and Vada pav try tempting me but I do not wilt. My mind is made and I walk past the shops selling "South Indian flower garlands" as my stomach is waiting for that Podi Dosa in what is arguably the Best Dosa Stall in Mumbai - Ayyapan dosa kada right next to Mani's Lunch Home (who serve unlimited Full Meals for Rs. 70/- with unlimited Pappadams) opposite to a mid-sized temple. The place is teeming with young and old alike. No doubt hooked by the awesome Dosas and Sambar. Pineapple Seera to round off my dinner and I walk out of the lane back to the main road.

Walk right past the old Mallu uncle selling pirated DVDs of the latest Tamil and Malayalam movies sitting right next to the entrance of the Kochu Guruvayoor temple and past Amba Bhavan coffee club where you can drink the closest resemblance to South Indian filter coffee Mumbai. Enter King's Circle and take a left towards Mysore Concerns - selling filter coffee powder and Coimbatore butter, walk past the Pulao/Pav Bajji wallah and the health juice shop, glance at the queue outside Madras Cafe, walk towards the New Punjab Restaurant thinking of the night I spent with 2 buddies eating pappad and drinking 7-Up while one of my friends tried hard to down that 2nd bottle of Beer.

Wonder how there is always a queue outisde Madras and Mysore Cafes and remember the great rasam that I tasted there last Sunday. Cross the road and remind myself to have the Summer Special Mango ice-cream with Malai the next weekend and also make a visit to Idli house to have their out of this world Jackfruit idli that reminds me of the Ella Appam that my grandma made the last time I saw her alive. Walk past the Kulfi wallah, telling myself all the time that I need to control the urge to have a mixed Kulfi plate as my pants are refusing to comply to the requests of my ever increasing waist size.

Decide to try out the cheese szchewan rolls opposite the Kulfi shop for dinner tomorrow and also decide to never step into the New Yorker and end up paying a bomb for vegetarian food. Must have breakfast at Koolar Irani Cafe on Sunday. Kheema with Bun Maska and Irani Tea. Also get some really strong ginger soda, odd tasting raspberry soda, nice spl tea with burun maska and some nice plum cakes.

Take a left now to enter the Adenwala road, which is all dug up and ready to be concretised, walk past the Khalsa college road and the AMP hostels to enter the gate of Belle Ville.

The dog, traumatised by guys when it was young according to the old aunty who owns the place, greets me with some noisy barking. Ha, I am home... at least after A. throws down the keys and I enter...

Posting from the Maximum City

2010-04-15T22:42:00.002+05:30

Mumbai, on recent estimates, has a population of over 13 million people. India's most populated city. And in the last 10 days that I have been living in the city, I have realised it's only ever really all about the Mumbai people.

The taxi drivers who call out to you and return 1 rupee change as you try to rush and catch your train. The old man reading the Economic Times without a care in the world while religiously waiting at Dadar to catch the 9:25 Fast train to Goregaon. The old aunty living on the first floor of a bungalow in Wadala with 3 dogs for company, letting out the second floor to paying guests and fighting to reclaim the ownership of the ground floor from the Government. The auto drivers who don't mind coming for minimum fare. The 70 year old lady standing on a jam packed 2nd class compartment of an 8 PM Thane train with the courage to not hold on to any aid for balance. The line of boot polishers who work away in zen-like rhythm that has been perfected over years of grinding routine to provide that masterpiece shine.

The touts, the Vada Pav sellers, the Dabbawallahs, the street children, the beggars, the PYTs travelling in the first class ladies compartment hanging out to get down at the next stop... Mumbai is only ever really all about the people.

Welcome to VIM!

2010-03-07T11:30:00.011+05:30

Vulgarian Institute of Management... a very prestigious institute that lakhs of potential business managers apply to everyday in the hope of a better career and a better learning and keener insight into management.

The selection is through this national exam called the VAT (Vulgar Admission Test) which is taken by some 3 Lakh students across the country and finall only some 300 odd fend up into each VIM located in a few cities across the nation. 0.01% selection rate. So you can imagine the quality of the students who come in here. Bright, ambitious, cream of the crop!

Given the proven pedigree and the unmatched intellect... one can not be fault to expect nothing but the best from the select few. They should end up being great business minds who revamp society by their dynamic thoughts and fair and just acts.

But thats not how things work in VIMs across the country... the students (a mix of freshers and members with work ex) enter the college and from the very first day of orientation and are made to experience fear psychosis... there is already a fear which is present in most of the students mind thanks to the high fees and the resultant education loan that they have to pay off... hence there is a pressure of getting a good job after placements.

This fear is taken to the next level by the behaviour of the Placement Committee... which is quite weird in my humble opinion cos... every student comes to VIM to get a better job, not to learn the skills and wherewithals to get a better job but to actually get a better job even if they dont necessarily have the skills and wherewithals.

Now with this being the case, the Placement Committee (a bunch of students who are elected to pitch to companies to come to campus to recruit) should be held in high esteem if not worshipped. But they are among the most disliked people on campus... even some horrible Profs are not disliked as much as Placecom. Why is this so?...

Not about Sachin's innings

2010-02-24T22:37:00.003+05:30

I was lucky to have got the chance to watch the first 200 in ODI and the first 400 in test cricket.

The ODI 200 happened earlier today and after a long time I watched an innings completely or atleast from the 18th over. Better writers and experts than me will be filling up paperspace and serverspace with infinitely better written articles on Sachin and his innings over the next couple of months. So I shall just keep it short and simple - It was brilliant!

Moving on... thanks to some really superstitious Sachin fans I was forced to watch even the commercials during the telecast and I was really shocked by some of the ads that were shown. I was trying to justify the thinking that must have gone into some of the ads.

1) There must have been some brilliant market research that must have thrown up this stunning insight that the purchase decision makers for cement have faith in swimsuit clad women coming out of the beach ala Ursula Andress in Dr. No. Can not see any other reason for the JK Super Cement ad unless JK Super Cement is holding up something that we do not know.

2) I tried, I really did... I promise you... I tried earnestly.... but I just can not understand why a mobile phone company wants to advertise that you will get killed when you use their mobile and cross the road... which in a nut shell is exactly what Micromaxx communicates in their ad which shows the not so unique feature of being able to connect to Facebook and then far more uniquely getting killed!

3) Why does IPL need to have such poor ads I dont understand. no wait let me rephrase that... Why does IPL need to have ads I dont understand. How many Indians watching the ODI series against South Africa will not know about the IPL and the availability of tickets? What I think they should concentrate on is to make the tickets more affordable. The cheapest tickets for a RCB match in Blore is somewhere around 900 Rs. if I am not mistaken.

I heard from some of those really superstitious Sachin fans that there are more such terrible ads being aired on TV... they even mentioned a Dr. Fixit ad with some bad pun on breaking news... hope to see it soon to then include that in the post as well.

After a while...

2010-02-16T22:22:00.004+05:30

This is not going to be funny... I am not even going to try to be funny. There are times when life just brings you down. When everything is black and white instead of the grey tone that our life normally plays out in.

I seem to be running but not going anywhere. Feelings and beliefs in which I had bet all my of life's convictions on seem to be breaking down. I am being evil, insensitive and indifferent and in spite of knowing all of this, it just does not seem to bother me. There are questions that need to be answered and unfortunately these questions have no easy answers!

And I am not losing weight as fast as I had hoped... I was losing a bit initially but now I think I have hit some sort of road block!

This is just a random post with no rhyme and absolutely no reason... just wanted to keep the marriage with my blog afloat when my affair with Twitter is going through a bit of a lull.

AnnoPeep repellant - To repel annoying people

2010-01-08T21:53:00.005+05:30

Fine we do have quite a few products and brands to repel mosquitoes and cockroaches. The ingenious Chinese have also developed those superb electric rackets which gives one a feel of how Adolf Hitler must have felt when he was organising massacres of Jews.

Wouldn't it be great if there was a repelllant that could be used to ensure to repel those people who annoy us. The backbiters, the perenial pessimists, the racial fanatics, the domineering dumbwits etc. Lets admit it, we all have a few friends who we are obligated to be friends with. They could be your cousins, or the sons/daughters of a close friend of one or your parents, the best friend of your best friend, the best friend of your girlfriend, the husband/wife of your wife's/husband's sister/brother... you are getting my drift right.

These are the people who you are obligated to smile to when you much rather stick a fork up their ass and ask them to scat! Life would be a whole lot easier if there was a repellant which we could spray on or apply as a lotion or something and this would automatically keep away the annopeeps (mespeak for annoying people). These repellants should ideally be odourless or have some fragrance to it. I guess it would also need to come in non-allergic variants for those people who have breathing disorders. The repellant should in no way make the individual wearing it look bad or evil.

Until such a product gets developed we have to do the best we can with body odour, bad breath and annoying speech defects.

A few good men

2010-01-03T11:10:00.001+05:30

My take on life and how it should be lead have had a few tinkerings and paint jobs over the last couple of years. I had to read up about the External Environment and its impacts on the organisation for a paper in college and I realised that even individuals get influenced by external environment... alright, I can not take this approach anymore... I was not sure how to start the post and brought up all this external environment nonsense! Truth is - I want to write a post on the importance of individuals in my life.

Not gonna start a preachy post on parents and teachers and brothers and sisters. Just going to stick to a few people who influenced me in more ways than I could have imagined over the last two years.

The first is Mr.A - he probably had the biggest influence on me over the last 2 years and had the least interaction with me. He was the reason for me to get my first job and it was a big deal for me considering that I didnt have any other option. And after 8 months since I started my first job, I got a chance to interact and watch how Mr. A worked from close quarters and what amazed me was the goodwill he carried even whilst holding a high position. I have a long way to go to reach the positions that he held and holds now but I do wish, in due course of time, to garner the same amount of goodwill that he got from his peers and those who worked under him. No one said a bad word about Mr.A.

The second is Mr.S. Mr.S did something which I never thought could ever happen - he pitched for me. I decided to quit my first job and leave and this man, who held the top most position in the company I worked for, actually took the time to hear me out and try and get me into another role so that I would not go wasted. It was amazing considering the fact that I had worked for only 7 months in the organisation and I was a very very junior person. He was and is a super sales guy and he basically sold me to Mr. A and Mr.G. I owe Mr.S big time cos he got me a chance to work for Mr.G.

Mr. G had been my boss for 1 year and 3 months (till June 09, I esigned and entered college to try and learn some management and once I come out I hope to be a manager in the mould of Mr. G). Mr.G was not the normal boss one would get. The ones who didnt know Mr.G well would give the reason of him being an NRI for the totally different disposition. Truth is Mr.G is an Indian at heart although he was born and brought up in UK. As I type this post, Mr. G has resigned and returned to the UK.

The room I used to live in back then was somewhat on the way he returned home from work and the conversations we had whilst returning from work ranged from the Indian freedom struggle to Sikhism, from motherhood to change management, from long tail of content to voyeurism... and he used to know it all. I just sat in mute attention while he spoke.

The best part of Mr.G was that he would let us have fun in the office and he encouraged office humour, some times at his expense but those who did make fun of him did so at their own peril. You throw the kitchen sink at him and he would throw the bath tub at you.

Mr. G supported me throughout the year and he often said that there is nothing wrong in making mistakes but not doing anything in the fear of making mistakes is a bigger crime. Mr.G always backed him team and he also brought the best in us and that's why I will always miss him.

I count the chance of having worked in the same organisation as Mr. A, Mr. S and Mr.G as one of life's big mercies. Hope to imbibe what I have learnt and make use of the learnings if and when I get the chance to lead!

2009 - retrospective tag cloud!

2009-12-31T23:59:00.005+05:30

Tata Jaagrathi Yatra, Bangalore Cantonment, Chennai Mail 1 hour delayed, Wishing the train engine driver, Dil-Vish-Thiruvanmiyur beach and Marundeeswarar temple, Bro spotted at the beach, Saravana Bhavan cakes and bakes, walk to city centre, bus ride, Vandalur zoo, Muttukadu boat ride, Not shortlisted in JMET, shortlisted in CAT, GD/PI classes, IIM applications, Hyderabad, Kacheguda station with the moon as a backdrop, Eat Street in Husain Sagar, Slumdog, Briyani, Charminar, Golconda auto ride, Shilparama, Andhra meals, Prank goes horribly wrong, Supi's baby girl, IIM B GD/PI, IIM I GD/PI, SP Jain GIs, Anna University Quiz, Annie is engaged, IIM-B selection, Silent Valley, jungle pool, lonely watch tower, horoscopes, bank loan, startv.in, resignation from Indya, Annie's marriage, Maddy to get her own football, auto rides, bus stop opp. Subhiksha, IIM-B student life starts, EB 004, resume, PDP sessions, night outs, L square, quant, finacc, RNS, lack of sleep, quizzes, surprise quizzes, CAT race gives way to Rat Race in IIMB, missing Star Bangalore and Indya Interactive, Mancomm bug sex JAM, CulComm, MARS, Business Card troubles, Birthday bummer!, Marina Beach, Landmark Quiz, photos of Kiki's, One year down., more quizzes, QM troubles, Unmaad publicity, MARS mailers, term 1 ends, H 301, term 2 starts, hectic, company PPTs, summers, CorpFin, Kotler, fin shortlists, consult shortlists, summer placement process, successfully screw fin interviews, successfully screw consult interviews, successfully screw most interviews, Gaja Capital, Summer in Mumbai, Qwiky, Aapa Kadai, Lav & Sudha engaged, Veena maarries, MM presentation, MPPO presentation, end terms, Hampi, Revamped Marina, Maddy gives birth, Avatar, Term 3, Core Electives, quater dollar coin from a man worth millions, New Years L-Square party, tending the bar... Here comes 2010

Hampi and a dam

2009-12-29T12:50:00.009+05:30

"It's a hill station right?"

As those words came out seeking an answer from me, the thought flashed through my mind that maybe its a mistake to go in a group to Hampi. A group of 12 yuppies. But the trip was well worth it and the group made the experience unique.

The facts most know... UNESCO Heritage site, architectural ruins, amazing landscape, premier tourist destination etc. So what was I going to experience?

"So this is a university for Kannada?"

Thanks to the good contacts of one of our friends we got some really good accomodation at the guest house of the Kannada University. Downside was the distance from Hampi but the upside was the the acco cost was next to negligible. In fact, it was free.

The distance meant that we had to travel to Hampi from the university by means of a Share Auto and this just made the trip a bit more adventurous.

"Why? Who? How?"

There are a lot of sights to see at Hampi (Well duh!) so its best advised to take a guide from the Tourist Office in front of the Virupaksha temple. (Rs. 1200 for the whole day for a group of 10-15) Our guide, Gopal, likes to narrate using questions. Can anyone tell why the Bahmani Sultanates destroyed all Lord Ganesha idols at the stomach and the trunk? Does anyone know where the pilgrims would go for water in the temple? Why is the Virupaksha temple the only temple where worship takes place? We didn't know any of the answers but he waits for our answers and prompts us and for every guess we make he says - NO, now tell me why? or how? or where? or whatever?

Pretty soon the guys decide to give only one answer for any question Gopal asks - Bahmani Sultans! But Gopal is a really nice guide and he seems very passionate about the ruins of Hampi. Once we finish with the Virupaksha temple, we rent out little XL supers and a couple of other bikes to loaf around Hampi (rental charge is 250 per bike for the whole day)

"So that's the Mango tree."

Its fairly safe to say that I have never ever had lunch in a setting like Mango Tree in my life so far. Awesome food and awesome Lassi. You sit on a mat under a mango tree on the banks of the Tungabhadra. Wish there was more water to heighten the ambience. Quite an idyllic setting for a lovely lunch washed down with Banana-Coconut Lassi, Mango Lassi and Pineapple Lassi. Did I mention that the Lassis are awesome?

"Lotus Mahal has air conditioning!"

Gopal is quite proud of Hampi and the Vijayanagara empire. After showing us broken statue of the Groundnut Ganesha - a magnificent monolith carved out of a single stone, the Lakshminarasimha statue and the Balakrishna temple he takes us to the royal enclosures. I wonder if the Bahmani sultans hadn't destroyed Hampi and ensured that there was no future occupation of the land would the ruins be as preserved as they are now. Would they have been demolished by the Vijanagara rulers themselves and made into better buildings or worse buildings? The bedroom of the Queen in the Lotus Mahal had pipes inside each wall which had water flowing through it and this was Air Conditioning Vijayanagara style.

The Royal Enclosures are quite a setting. The Elephant stables, the museum, the broken down watch towers and the setting sun only adds to the ambience.

"Oh damn! there is water."

The Mahanavami Dibba is this huge stage where the King would watch the performances during the holy festival. In the same compound as the Dibba is a secret corridor where according to Gopal the battle plans were drawn.

The famed Stepped Well, which is in the same complex as the Dibba, was unfortunately filled with water and I could only see till the second level. Damn!

"Pillars can not make drum sounds! Wait a minute, it can! WOW!"

Vithala temple, in my opinion, was the highlight of all the ruins at Hampi. I am not sure if it was the ride through the mud road. Or the long stretch of Bazaar ruins before the temple or the wonder of the musical pillars that quite did me in. I think the main reason was the magnificence of the setting. The temple was a lone structure surrounded by rocky hillocks and no other building in sight. The twilight and the lack of street lamps made me one with the moment and that kind of did the trick. I was awestruck by it all. The stone chariot, the musical pillars, the ride back with only the head lamp and in one bike's case no head lamp.

"Only 9, including the driver, are legally permitted"

Far from the madding cities, the sky puts on its best display of stars and my tired body hits the sack to wake up to a day that does not promise to be eventful. I was proved wrong.

We took a walk across the university campus and spotted some works of art in the strangest of places. The campus is quite unique with a museum and tribal learning centres and its a nice stroll. Our chariot of commute waits for us at the main gate and we start off to visit the Tungabadhra dam. And then the portent of an uneventful day was completely thrown out of the window thanks to the driver who takes a left through what can only be described as a road laid by the Kannadiga cousins of the pitch curator of Ferozshah Kotla. The permitted limit for passengers for a share auto is 9 and we were 14 and the sight of a traffic cop on the highway forced us to take a detour and enjoy some rural scenery and also enjoy the feeling of a share auto nearly capsizing.

A 20 minute ride through sugarcane and paddy fields brought us to a Jaggery factory. It was good to see the whole process of sugarcane juice being boiled and converted to jaggery cakes. We also got to drink some refreshing cane juice and after lunch at a Rajasthan Heritage village in the middle of nowhere, we set off to Tungabadhra Dam.

"Woah that's a lot of water behind this dam!"

I have been to a few dams in my 25 year existence on this planet and this is the largest catchment area I have ever seen. It was like an ocean and it prompted a few to wonder why Karnataka does not give water to Tamil Nadu. Well one of the reasons could be that the Tungabadhra flows to Andhra and not Tamil Nadu. The dam is small with an ordinary garden but the catchment area and the sheer amount of water was amazing. I wonder how they build a dam. Should check on youtube if there are videos on Dam Construction.

The Share Auto (which we had christened Lakshmi) was on its last legs when she dropped us off at the railway station. And as we boarded the train to return to Bangalore I wondered if Lakshmi would still be running the day I write a post of the Hampi trip or would it have gone to the great big scrap heaven in the sky.

Fear of the Intersection of the Friend Venn diagram!

2009-12-07T19:20:00.007+05:30

For some reason, I get quite uncomfortable when friends circles clash. I have never quite understood why.

In my mind I tend to segregate friends into ones from school, ones from family, ones from the one year spent in Trichy, ones from college, ones from work and now the ones from management school and whenever an occassion crops up where the 2 segregations intersect my heart starts pumping faster and my knees get weak.

It's almost as if I am a different Vinay in each of the circles and when the circles mingle I am not sure which character I should play and what my lines should be.

I no longer seem to relate to the Vinay I was in high school. The one growing up on a diet of American TV shows and wanting to know all the brands... a wannabe snob! and in my mind I always seem to picturise my school friends to be the same. They could and most likely should have grown on to bigger things but that does not seem to enter my mind at all. Hmmm.

Anyways, I needed to get this blog going with some random post and as I had this on my mind just thought I will waste some Google server space on it!

Dreams of a lost childhood...

2009-10-25T11:58:00.003+05:30

Had been struck down by an irritating viral the whole of last week, good excuse to sleep a lot without feeling too guilty. In IIMB if you sleep more than 6 hours a day it's considered to be a crime of the second order and people tend to shun you ;)

In one of those prescribed drugs induced slumber sessions, I had this rather weird dream where I am walking with my mom and this is a much younger me, 7-8 years old, walking down one of those many tree lined roads of Besant Nagar and all of a sudden a crocodile is coming running down the road. The next thing I know I am hiding in some house, do not know which house this is. I rush out, and my mom and dad are in our car and they pick me up. They seem to be returning from Grand Sweets and Snacks. It's almost an iconic institution in Adyar area of Chennai and they make... Sweets and Snacks!

So I go back home and my bro is there... the little fella and we sit at home and eat the stuff from Grand Sweets.

Its not a great dream, but I woke up to the reality that my childhood will never return. I am never ever going to be 7 again and sit with my 3 and a half year old brother and eat snacks... eat anything for that matter!

I wish I had done more with my childhood. Wish I had lied more and got out of tuition more often to go out and play. Tuition was a lark. Imagine studying a language, Hindi, for 10 years in school and nearly 7 years of tuition and still not be able to piece together a decent sentence in Hindi. Tuition was not one of those things I really miss about childhood. I miss being able to ask my dad to get me something everytime he went on a tour. I am hardly at home these days, wish I get to talk to my dad more often once I am finished with IIMB.

It used to be fun to hope and pray for a holiday everytime it rained! Playing Rugby with stuffed toys that people mistakenly gave my bro thinking he was a girl ;) Ok that is a bit of an exaggeration, he did look like a girl but the gifts were given more out of laziness I guess.

I miss making orange squash and watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movies. Munching on Potato chips and imagining I am Leonardo, the leader. I should probably add that to my resume point here. That I always was Leonardo, the leader, when we pretended to be Ninja turtles.

Hating girls and thinking up of new ways to insult them. Ruining all those girly games they had with new lyrics praising the superiority of boys. The whole hey pillar, caterpillar, lazy girls, active boys... I am not sure how that one ended though... ooh aah ouch or something like that.

Getting into fights and having this almost foolish pride about having achieved something if I could inflict a few more scratches on the opponent... who was big and very very strong ;)

Playing cricket, watching cricket, movies, lazy summer vacations, cricket camps... wish I had done more with my childhood. Not much of naughtiness, hardly any mischief, a shy and quiet kid who had the weirdest fascination for crocodiles!

Waiting for Chennai Mail at Bangalore Cantonment

2009-09-15T13:21:00.009+05:30

There's a nip in the air and the breeze brings with it the chill. Having a lousy cold is a big dampener but that does not take away from the romance of the moment. The familiar Nandini kiosk helps rekindle my relationship with hot badam milk and I quickly settle down on a bench to get a ring side view of a nail biting chase between two dogs and a wily rat.

The race between fear and hunger is ultimately won by fear and I am distracted by the mystical movements of a polythene bag being twirled around by the gentle breeze reminiscent of a scene from the movie American Beauty. The breeze draws an elderly couple closer as the wife rests her head on her husband's lap to watch a toddler being blissful in its ignorance and trying to scare a resting dog. I get up and stretch my legs and walk to the end of the platform to get a glimpse of the big mosque's Minars that used to welcome me back over the last year or so but sadly its not lit up.

The creaky loudspeaker, rather noisily for the time of the night, informs me that my train is about to arrive shortly on Platform No. 2 and soon enough the train creaks in and I board it with the thoughts of the nice warm cup of filter coffee I shall be having the next morning at home.

Wonder lost?

2009-09-13T22:23:00.006+05:30

"I am going to Greenland for my summer holidays."

"Did you know MRF stands for Madras Road F@#@ers."

"The Singapore Babboon has the stinkiest urine... one drop requires 3000 buckets of water to clean."

"When you get a bad hand of cards, you have to scream F#@K and throw it down."

"Greenland is so called because it is completely covered with Korean Grass."

"We can find out who farted by touching that person's head, it will be hot."

"Boost is the secret of Sachin's energy."

Those were among the many things that I was fooled into believing when I was a kid. I realised some of them were lies after trying it out with my mother (the bad hand of cards one for example) and was quickly brought to my senses... nothing like a spanking to get all your senses to work, not just the sense of touch!

I was a little kid who looked at the world in wonder and did not know much. As one grows older, the naivete gets replaced by cynicism and disbelief. My natural inclination is to question the source... give a sarcastic wisecrack and snub the person... verify... and if it turns out to be true, act as if I knew it all along!

I wish I was a kid again and looked at things like I am seeing them and hearing them the first time. Maybe that's why I love travelling to new places and taking part in new experiences. Its the wonder associated with doing something or seeing something for the first time... Really need to visit Greenland sometime!

As Term 1 rushes to a close!

2009-09-05T20:17:00.008+05:30

A good friend of mine from Star Vijay dropped into college campus and got shocked at the kind of books I had to read as coursework... he just cracked up when he found out that I had to study Financial Accounting, Business Statistics etc. considering the only Finance we ever did in our office was trying to ensure we had the correct change in paying off Shekar, the friendly neighbourhood tea 'master'.

Its been quite a shocking ride from where I was 2 years back to where I am now. Been constantly trying to cower behind the fact that I did not do anything remotely close to Mathematics - probability, differentiation, integration, algebra etc. - for 8 years and using that as an excuse for some of the shoddy performance. Truth is I should have worked harder or rather I should work harder but there is no motivation for me to get the top rank or the top grade or to have 3 extra alphabets assigned to the start of my name. I am not a part of the rat race, because I am much more the mouse! The only worry is about going to the slow track which would only result in me spending an extra year in college. Not really something which is on top of my priority list to say the least ;) (another soul like me)

What's even more bemusing to me is the way the people over here fight and struggle for marks. Some of them learn and study, most of them just study and I am still trying to figure out how many learn. I am not the only one who is in the campus with work experience. In fact, majority have work ex here but I wonder if they ever contemplate things the way I do. I guess they are too busy putting fight (college lingo for working hard) to get the best marks they can to even pause and think for awhile.

I look around at people and wonder how many would I want as my manager. Some of them cheat over time limits. Most of them get jealous or have petty arguments or raise questions just to put off the presenting student/group (when students make presentations). Maybe the behaviour is just a representation of the business world and the society we live in... or is it?

I have been living in the society for 25 years now and it is competitive no doubt about that but at the same time it is fair. Those who succeed either deserve it or want it more and that is all it should be. One man's freedom ends where the other man's begins. Maybe I am a type 2 error at college (one of those concepts that I learned or think I learned from Statistics) and have way too much time to have such thoughts and blog about them.

Life is going to be somewhat hectic over the next week with the first term drawing to a close. I have heard the second term gets crazier than the first. Hoping I would like the craziness more as I think the craziness is related to summer placements which is not really something I am too worried about (or so I say now)

Second term will start with me moving to a new room and more importantly a single room so it has started off in the right note and I am sure by the time I begin to loathe it, it too shall end the same way Term 1 would be ending in a week... me being battered and bruised but still standing tall!

Reacquaintance

2009-08-29T11:05:00.002+05:30

I am sorry for not visiting you more often... its just that I am faced by this scarcity of subjects to write about. Actually there are tons of things I could post about... just mundane straight forward things... I sleep for lesser time than I used to which would then imply that I stay awake and see more of what life has to offer which would then directly imply that there would be more things that I could blog about... right? WRONG!

Have been awake all right... but not been seeing much of life. Life restricted to IIMB campus. Great buildings and architecture. Joined a couple of clubs - Cultural Committee and Merchandise and Retailing Society (CulCom & MARS respectively) - and tried to do some useful work. Been awake to study but not been learning much. Finally getting the hang of Quants and the reason why it is being taught in a B-school. Wish I didn't suck at it so much though.

Been Tweeting more though and have tried to indulge in a bit of creativity here and there in campus life but still not been able to get around to logging on here and making a post. Shall be more purposeful and try hard to get back in touch with you over the next couple of weeks. Will not be able to break off from my affair with twitter though. Affairs of the shorter and sweeter kinds are a lot of fun... I guess blogs are like marriages, once the honeymoon period is over you just do not know what to say!

Monologues on God, Religion, Identity etc. - 3

2009-04-22T20:37:00.005+05:30

How was it decided that God is above us? Why cant God be beside us? I guess he or she can not be below us as having to look up all the time would obviously cause him or her a major pain in the neck. How far above us is God anyways? Stratospheric levels or a mere 3 feet above head height like Lord Krishna was in Doordarshan's Mahabharata when Draupadi was being stripped.

And since God is watching us all, does he/she ever get biased? Which IPL team would God support? Are Jesus Christ and Allah neighbours? Would the Hindu Gods invite Zeus for dinner?

I have lost the plot of this thread... truth is, I do not really mind if God existed. To be honest, it would be quite nice if God existed but just one God. Not different manifestations or different religions and different identities.

Speaking of identity, over the last one year or so the circumstances have been such that I sometimes wonder what my identity is and what the relevance of an individual's identity is in the grander scheme of things. In Bangalore, I am a Chennai guy who has to be mocked when the Super Kings lose. When I go to Chennai I am a Bengalooru guy. In Kerala, I am a Tamilian as my Malayalam sucks. In Chennai, I am a Malayali as my Tamil sucks. In any state above the Vindhyas, I am a Madrasi as my Hindi sucks and also that for some reason the North tend to be poor in Geography and think Madras is the name of all the South Indian states.

I also cant quite fathom astrology and horoscopes. How can one's time and day of birth be an indicator of what will happen in his life or what kind of job he should be in, what name he should have, whom he should marry etc. A learned man once told me that if you are ignorant about Astrology and you do not know what goes into it you should not comment on it. He proceeded to tell me that there are numerous mathematical calculations that are done to come to a result in astrology and hence its not just mumbo-jumbo being told by men wearing 3 rings on each finger. My take on this is that no matter how many calculations are made the answer would still be wrong if the base of it is the time and date of birth as this is decided by when an individual was conceived and these days in most cases the doctor decides when the baby should come out into this world. Even the whole conception of the child could be induced by excess liquor and a faulty condom. There are too many stupid reasons that cause conception and a person's entire life can not be based on the time of birth. Right?

I am not quite the eloquent one and I fear that I have not put my point across quite clearly and convincingly but I just like to wonder why one needs to complicate life further with all the permutations and combinations. Live for your needs and wants and be happy... wishful thinking for a life more ordinary!

Monologues on God, Religion, Identity etc. - 2

2009-04-08T21:10:00.008+05:30

Things started to change and transition was almost sudden but in truth it must have been gradual. I am not sure if anyone can change his/her principles and beliefs ingrained over years of existence in a matter of days or weeks or months.

I guess the truth is that I was never really convinced about religion in general and the interpretation of religion and God that I had grown up adhering to. I never understood why we had to walk around the Sanctum Sanctorum only an odd number of times and never even number. I never really got a convincing explanation. My mother didn't really know the answers to these questions. I was perplexed as to why one had to break coconuts or promise to break coconuts if something turned out the way they had wanted. This seemed like a bribe to me and bribing to me was a crime.

For me God and Religion were means to keep Man humble and accountable to the society at large so it seemed quite an anomaly when I read that the Tirupathi temple was getting a large amount of black money. Could God be appeased by black money?

Monologues on God, Religion, Identity etc. - 1

2009-04-07T21:43:00.005+05:30

Been meaning to be more regular with my blog posts. I wonder if its a testament to the direction the world is moving towards... the testament being how I am more regular on Twitter than I am with my blogs. There is no creativity in me. There is nothing new that I feel like contributing. Truth is there is not much I can contribute to the world at large.

A man asked me a couple of weeks back if we are consumers or we are contributors... I told him we are both. But that isn't why this man has been brought up in this post. I will tell you why he has been brought up. This same man, thanks to the seat he was occupying at the time, proceeded to ask a few of us are take on religion and God. I told him what I have told quite a few people and bored many others with... "I dont believe in Religion and I am yet to find God!"

The question that followed was, so you dont believe in religion and does that mean the millions of others who do are idiots and who are wasting their time... the only reply I could come up with was that I am the idiot who has not been able to find a religion that I can believe in.

I was not always like this... I have to confess... I used to be the one who lit the lamp everyday... took a bath, lit the lamp, said my prayers and off I went to school. This was a daily routine till some 5 years back. My dad was an atheist ( his line was - I believe in God, but I dont believe there is God. I was confused too when I first heard this line. To make it easier for me to understand he said - Communism exists, there is communism in the world, but I dont believe in Communism... and along these lines I believe in God, but I dont believe there is God... how I wished he hadn't tried to make it easier for me to understand ) and so was my brother, I think.

Needless to say, my daily routines and my weekly visits to the temple made my devout mother really really really really happy. Then things started to change....

C'est la vie

2009-03-20T19:26:00.004+05:30

Who is the better one? He who is extra sweet, out of pity, to a person suffering from AIDS... or he who insults and treats the person suffering from AIDS just the same way as he used to before being in the know.

Is the one who is proud of himself for sharing a bus seat with a leper as prejudiced as the one who loathes the leper?

If God exists and is watching us all, what matters to him more - the money that goes into the temple's coffers or the money that goes into the beggar's bowl?

If the Holy Koran could be changed during the time of the crusades to include Polygamy and let one man have more than one wife to ensure that there are successors to carry Islam forward, why cant it be modified again, now that the crusades are over?

If Indians and Hinduism gave the world the Kama Sutra and Khajuraho, why do Ram Sena make war when they can make love?

2008 - a retrospective tag cloud

2008-12-31T23:59:00.003+05:30

Seiyur, rockets firing on the ground, sun rise over the backwaters, Star Vijay, racism at Sydney?, India win at Perth, resignation, out of first job, hunt for second job, whiling away time in Jah's room, kicking Jah and Perusu's ass in go-karting, Djokovic and Sharapova lift Oz Open, bro turns 20, Valentine's day with Shankar Mahadevan at Techofes 2008 and a few good souls from college, Castro resigns, Castro comes to power, Musharaf loses election, Democracy in Pakistan?, India wins tri-series, Gold Medal, Sup's wedding, Second Job, Bangalore, Bengaluru, Channa gideeni, Als' wedding, hyderabad, Concord, Analytics, Indya.com, Starboxoffice.com, IPL, Chennai Superkings, Rajasthan Royals, Mak's bro's wedding, Munnar, Wimbledon finals, Nadal, Bangalore blasts, Ahmedabad blasts, turn 24, Beijing, Phelps, Dark Knight, Bolt, ABHINAV BINDRA, India's first Individual gold, Vijender Singh, Sushil Kumar, auto rides, diagrams, Harry's wedding, big bang, project management, Yuva and Nit's wedding, Barack Obama, recession, examinations, Kiki and Sandhu and Castrol thread, Lewis Hamilton, VISHY ANAND, Chandrayaan, mom and dad turn 25, Sachin 12000, Jumbo retires, Dada retires, India beats Oz, Mumbai attacked, Basle, Yercaud, Erode, Bakrid, India win at Chepauk, SA beat Oz, Train to Chennai which starts at 11

Another year of existence...

2008-08-11T20:31:00.007+05:30

Washing underwear and toasting bread... that's how I rang in my new year of existence. Not quite the thinking man's favourite pastimes but the 2 activities did give me time to look back at the year that was. Nothing like toasting to get you reminiscing.

Year 24 was the year I took up my first job, it was also the year I had my first job shift. A year that saw me, surprisingly, being rather strong through losses and a year that got me a few treasured gains. New friendships formed and old friendships grew stronger. Some relationships forayed new paths, pleasantly surprising me.

The year began with a lot of promise, in a new job... and the year ended with me living alone in a new city, in another job, with misplaced pride in facial hair and ending where it began... with a lot of promise.

Living by yourself and surviving does give you a sense of satisfaction, of course its a lot easier when you are surrounded by good people. Its also nice in a way to have something to miss and when you are away from family and friends you tend to have something to miss.

Regrets... there were many. To learn from regrets and to not repeat them will be a challenge for the coming year because year 25 has begun, and it promises to be filled with the only constant in life - change!

To the coming year, with all its challenges, with all the defeats that will make all the victories mean that much more, with all its joys and all its separations, I stand awaiting.

Getting fodder for this blog is the first challenge!

Bengaluru channagideeni!

2008-07-25T17:51:00.012+05:30

Naanu Channagideeni, the Kannada equivalent for I am fine! One of 3 Kannada phrases I have picked up in 4 months of stay in Bengaluru... Channagideera? - the equivalent of Are you fine?/How are you?

At this point of time Bengaluru is not so fine... it is tense. The city has had 9 low intensity blasts across different parts and the atmosphere is understandably tense. People in the streets are constantly on their mobiles, informing their loved ones that they would be home for dinner so keep it warm.

Bengaluru seems to have some reason or the other to be in the news. Its not in the league of Mumbai or Delhi in this regard but it does seem to have more news happening than Chennai. My phone got flooded with calls and SMS and that does not happen too often. The city makes news ( although bomb blasts is certainly not good news) and I like that about Bengaluru.

There are a few other things I like about the city as well, and this seems like a good time to blog about it. There are so many book fairs happening and you get some amazing titles for dirt cheap prices. The second hand book stores on Church Street are worth the trip for any bibliophile.

And it was during one of those book browsing sessions in Church Street that I realised that Bengaluru women dress up far better than their Chennai counterparts. Chennai women are certainly getting there though and I always have a soft corner for Chennai girls in my heart, but my eyes seem to prefer Bengaluru gals.

Maybe its the weather that lets the Bengaluru girls dress up, cos its absolutely gorgeous. For the past 4 months the only time I have rekindled my acquaintance with sweat has been during my monthly trips to Chennai. The weather in Bengaluru can get you lazy at times but it still rocks!

The best way I enjoy the weather - Walking. Strolls through crowded Sivaji Nagar market, through the swarm of spoilt western wannabes on MG Road, through Cubbon Park glancing at the Vidhan Soudha and through the tree lined roads. Walking in Bengaluru is bliss when compared to the sweltering heat and concrete of Chennai. But I must say walking in Chennai has its own charm thanks to the sheer number of tea stalls and short eats you find on the road. Also in Chennai my walks would mostly be with the company of friends and friends tend to make most things in life more interesting.

But what makes up for the lack of company is the Radio and boy does it do a good job. There is a lot more variety on Bengaluru airwaves. You get English, Hindi and Kannada but unfortunately no Tamil and from the small number of Kannada songs I have heard so far Tamil songs seem to be of a higher quality than Kannada.

Listening to radio and walking in the rain. Just dont get to do that too often in Chennai. The thought of a worried mother waiting at home wondering how much dirt and slush her son will bring home always, always, tends to make me avoid walks in the Chennai rain. In Bengaluru, no mom and all ayes to rainy walks.

This post seems to be too Vanilla for my liking. Lets make this more grey. The Public transport system in Bengaluru is not a patch on Chennai, and there are one too many powercuts in Bengalooru for a leading metropolitan city and not to mention the lack of decent tea kadais and the traffic jams and the high price of movie tickets... but all in all, I have grown to like Bengaluru... its been great, these last 4 months...

Ironically, the more I like Bengaluru, the more I seem to miss Chennai... I am not sure how you say that in Kannada... all I have is 3 phrases for now... Channagideera? - Channagideeni and last but not the least - Tikka Muchkondiru!

In the news...

2008-07-17T10:03:00.004+05:30

A teenager was left in shock after realizing a bat had been curled up inside her bra for five hours while she was wearing it. She thought her cell phone was going off when she felt vibrations. The bat was unharmed and released outside. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/2266900/Teenager-finds-baby-bat-in-her-bra.html

Found that news item really funny... how can anyone possibly not see a bat in his/her underwear...and how could they not feel it being there? - sure case of breast implants....

and how could they mistake it for a cell phone vibrator... who carries a mobile phone in her bra? these teenagers are crazy I say...

Will history repeat itself?

2008-07-03T10:00:00.006+05:30

If Rafael Nadal and Roger Federer face off in sunday's Wimbledon finals and if Rafa goes on to beat Roger and win his first Wimbledon title, history will be written.

History will be re-written in some ways.

The previous man to win 5 in a trot at SW19 was one Bjorn Borg. The year he won his 5th title, 1980, he faced up the man called John McEnroe and the rest they say is history. In a classic final that featured unarguably the most famous tie-break of all time, Borg bt Mac in 5 tense sets... with the tiebreak 18-16 in the 4th and the 5th being won 8-6.

The next year the same two people met in the finals and this time Mac came through in 4 closely fought sets.

Last year, Federer won his 5th straight Wimbledon after outlasting and outplaying Rafa in 5 close sets. So....

If Rafael Nadal and Roger Federer face off in sunday's Wimbledon finals and if Rafa goes on to beat Roger and win his first Wimbledon title, history will be re-written.

The other coincidence will also be how Rafa and Mac were lefties and how Fed and Borg are renowned for the calm demeanour on the courts...

My personal take on all this... SCREW HISTORY... rooting for Marat Safin ;-)

Where is Mahatma Gandhi?

2008-06-13T12:39:00.004+05:30

Vidhan Soudha... the towering edifice of the Karnatka State Government. With the motto - 'Government work is God's work' emblazoned boldly across the main entrance.

In a curious mix of the cliche and not so cliche, there are 3 prominent statues that are placed in front of the Vidhan Soudha... Jawaharlal Nehru - India's first PM, B.R. Ambedkar - Father of the constitution and last and very suprisingly - Subhash Chandra Bose. The surprising bit is not the presence of Bose's statue... the surprising bit for me is the absence of a statue of Mahatma Gandhi's. After all he is the so called father of the nation etc. etc. I believe it was fortunate we were ruled by the British and not Hitler, else Gandhiji and co. would have been gassed to death.

In spite of my belief it is a bit of a surprise that Gandhiji's statue is missing. In this day and age, Ambedkar's and Gandhi's statue are the bare essentials considering India's politics. Why is Mahatma Gandhi not present at the Vidhan Soudha?

Wanted - Nair tea kadais in Bangalore

2008-06-11T11:32:00.005+05:30

Its been awhile since my last post. Over the period of time, I have relocated to Bangalore from Chennai. After 2 months of the daily grind in Bangalore, I make my first post from Blore and my first sweeping judgement of the city - The tea shops in Bangalore suck! Chennai tea kadais rock!!!

You are starved for choices when it comes to tea here... and what makes matters worse is that there is not much of a choice in the biscuits and the cakes and the extra-curriculars that one can sip along while enjoying your cuppa. The biggest drawback is that the tea is more often than not pre-made and not made to order. So you dont really have a choice of strong, light, less sugar, more milk, no cream etc. etc. Only 2 choices - either u take it or u leave it!

Miss the tea stalls in Chennai. Those Nair Kadais, even if the tea maker was a Bihari it's always a Nair kada. A tea maker in Chennai worth his salt will be called master! In Chennai, the tea master was like an extended family member.

Kannan, the tea master in my college canteen could make a decent tea and he had decent memory. Always knew what I wanted and considering he would serve on an average nearly 1000 teacups a day, it's amazing he would give me strong tea with less sugar, as soon as I gave him the tea token.

Shekar, the tea master outside HDFC, Nungambakkam branch worked for 3 days a week most of the times. Always thought he must be a Pakistani spy or something but he had a super variety of snacks and short eats and he always had change on him.

Anderson is a chain of tea stalls in Chennai that was started in Anderson road, Egmore. So wherever the branch has been placed its called Anderson. The branch which I haunted lies at the end of Jegannathan street, Nungambakkam. Favourite haunt of the TV pros from Vijay TV. Its close proximity to the Bhai kada that served delightfully hot, crispy and sinfully oily Samosas, bajjis and vadas was a major plus.

The nice mallu tea kada in Besant Nagar, opposite the Vinayaka temple with a lovely sit out reminiscent of the ones in the Elysees road in Paris. Ok major exaggeration in the last statement, but the tea I am sure would have been just as good as the one they serve in gay Paris.

Maybe I should just quit my job and start a tea stall in Bangalore. I am sure to do well, considering the lack of competition.

History's loss

2008-02-26T23:52:00.002+05:30

Went to watch 'Jodhaa-Akbar' the other day with a few of my friends. I felt, personally, that the movie was a disappointment.

While I was watching the movie, one of my friends made a bemusing observation. He wondered if Akbar had 6 fingers on one of his hands (I forget whether it was left or right). Hrithik's congenital defect was mistaken to be Akbar's.

Could the extra finger have changed the course of history? What if congenital defects like an extra finger were considered to be unbecoming of a king. What if Akbar would never have been made King due to this out of the ordinary growth. What if the real Jodha Bai (if she ever existed) had detested extra fingers.

Wont this then be a blatant distortion of history. No wonder everyone is protesting.

For Hinduism's sake...

2008-01-24T20:09:00.000+05:30

How could Shriya have the audacity to wear that dress to a awards function? That too in a function where the CM of Tamil Nadu (a staunch atheist) was the guest of honour. How unholy! Complete blasphemy. I completely understand why Hindu Makkal Katchi protested against the dress. Its completely against our scriptures and against Hinduism.

I empathise with the HMK. The dress spites the Vedas, it insults the Gita, its against all Hindu traditions and spits on every value that Hinduism extols.

To get an idea of how a true, pious Hindu should dress please refer to the picture given below.

In their well being and prosperity alone....

2007-12-22T12:21:00.000+05:30

The following post is a work of fiction and the thoughts it expresses are not meant to hurt the sentiments of any particular religion, race etc. etc. Its not meant to insult any particular individual, country, animal, car maufacturer or silicone implants. The thoughts expressed are those of the author whose bloody blog it is.

Every once in a while, in the midst of drunken stupour, an interesting conversation comes about. A conversation that provokes thoughts you never knew your brain could think about. Maybe its got to do with the alcohol or the food. But its primarily got to do with what the person next to you is talking about.

Religion and pseudo secularism is not the cheery sort of topics one generally indulges in when you are having fun. But talk you must and talk you will. For someone who detests, abhors and loathes the concept of religion, the statement that Islam is worse than other religions is the kind that evokes a response.

Statements and questions were put forth to me - "Muslims in India and other countries have better lives than individuals in Islam nations who dont practise Islam"..."Islam is violent and causes violent fanatics who refuse to think"..."Pluralism is absent in Islam"..."Why should individuals from foreign countries have to surrender their passports when taking up jobs in the U.A.E"...""Why is it that in a so colled progressive Islam nation, Malaysia, its against the law for a Muslim individual to convert to another religion"..."Why are all terrorists Muslim"

These questions were put forth to me when I questioned the existence of religion. The good friend I was having a conversation with was of the belief that all religions were bad, but Islam was more evil and violent than the rest. And he had the above reasons for his argument.

I had to confess my ignorance to most of the statements he made. I am ignorant about the work practises in the middle east and I dont know about the laws in Malaysia. I didnt have the wherewithals to come up with facts and figures to make an argument. All I had was friends.

Friends who had Muslim names and practised Islam. And these individuals were of varying nature. Some where gentle and calm. Some where passionate and fierce but they all had one common quality. They were all decent human beings. This qulaity was one of the factors that has always made me give importance to the character of the individual irrespective of what his ideology or belief is.

This conversation, like every other conversation, had to eventually end. The pseudo intellectual in me went for a brief walk and the real me made a concluding remark - "What difference does it make if one shit stinks more than the other... its still shit!"

Journey called Life...

2007-12-18T18:59:00.000+05:30

maybe I have got it all wrong,
guess I just think too much when its best not to,
why be a cowherd when you can be the cow,
just going after the greenest grass, nothing more and nothing else.

what does my existence mean?
was I born with a purpose or for some purpose,
or was I just born as most are...
to die!

for me to achieve my goal,
I must first find it.
or is it all just a waste of time,
a waste of grey cells?

to wish and want some purpose,
when all you have to do is just breathe,
and let the world push you to where you have to be,
although that need not be where you want to be.

or maybe I already am where I have to be,
and I just dont know it,
there is only one way to find out,
actually there are many ways to find out.

you take the wrong path, and then realise its wrong
then you choose another path,
right at that time, but might be wrong later on.
until you finally get the road.

the road less travelled or
the road travelled by many, but still its your road
or maybe I have got it all wrong,
guess I just think too much when its best not.

Easter eggs on my face

2007-12-08T17:22:00.001+05:30

Sherlock Holmes was killed by Arthur Conan Doyle. The author couldnt handle it anymore. So he just did him off.

The loving public who adored Sherlock went crazy. Their favourite private dick residing n baker Street cant die. That's elementary Mr. Doyle. So the poor author, Arthur, started writing again. Sherlock returned to life and solved many more mysteries.

Superman met a similar fate when he fought Doomsday, but Superman cant die and hence he returned.

Public outcry makes the world go round. The ideals of Democracy at its glorious best.

The storyteller faces writer's block. Kills off his lead character to get some peace of mind. Public get enraged. They want their favourite character back. So the character returns miraculously.

I cant help but wonder - is that the reason behind Easter?

What's the good word

2007-11-27T09:53:00.001+05:30

Its been awhile since I put my fingers to good use and renew my acquaintance with this blog of mine.

I am not editing or going back on what I type in this post. I am going at it like one of those men who are caught unawares and somehow get stuck in a position where they ahve to make up an adlib speech on some great topic which will be of greater importance after his death. Wow this post is crap so far.

Cutting short the crap and going straight to what I wanted this post to be about in the first place.

Recently watched this movie called Lenny. It starred one of my favourite actors - Dustin Hoffman. It was an ok movie, for which Dusty got an Oscar nomination. Its a biopic of a stand up comedian called Lenny Bruce who is non-conformist and his acts always tend to be anti-establishment. This post is not about the movie or the actor. Its about this one dialogue in the movie.

Where Lenny Bruce talks to his audience and uses all kinds of words that are considered in different times of the day to be racist, bigotry, blasphemy etc. etc. Words like nigger, negro, yellow skin, muslim, communist etc. etc. His logic being that if the word were used more often then people wont take so much offence to them.

I will never understand what the word negro or nigger means to african americans. But I like the logic. Giving it a more Indian perspective. Giving words like Madrasi, Mallu, Mullah, Gujju, Pandi, Iyer, Sard, Bihari etc. etc. more airwave frequency should only result in its effect getting number. The hue and cry made over movie names like Sandhiyar etc. should not be happening. So you see a Pakistani crossing the road and you greet him - Hey Paki, good morning. And he responds, Morning to you too, Hindu. And you just walk on to your respective locations.

Keep using the word and its effect gets numb. Paki Paki paki paki paki paki paki paki. Mallu mallu mallu mallu mallu mallu mallu mallu mallu. Gujju Gujju gujju etc. etc. I am already tired of those 3 words.

So get every word into the mainstream. Get every word out there.

Earning one's bread while I eat mine

2007-10-01T12:25:00.000+05:30

Sandwiches... thats what primarily constitutes my lunch menu for the past coupla months. Actually, the use of the word 'primarily' is rather erroneous (wrong) cos Sandwiches are the only thing that constitute my lunch.

Work gets busy around lunch hours and by the time I get done with work, all the edible items vanish in the cafeteria. Which then calls for a nice 2 minute walk to the main road sandwich shop. A small place with plastic chairs. Very sparse menu - Bread Omlet, Veg Sandwich each of them has the variant of adding a slice of Cheese. The costliest item on menu is 13 Rs. (of course this is not counting the photo of Trisha, which I think is valuable enough not to go on sale)

The other day, I get out of office for my usual bite of Sandwich and sit in one of those plastic stools and wait. A man comes hanging on a crutch with his left shoulder. The right palm is outstretched, confined within it 2 Rs/-

The youth who runs the Sandwich shop is a nice guy most of the times, and he shoos the one legged man away. The man just stands there and flashes the most radiant smile I have seen on a man with flesh and blood. This is the kind of smile one usually sees in paintings of Hindu gods and goddesses. The Sandwich guy is ticked, he cant understand what the matter is and just when he is about to let loose a few of the choicest epithets he can muster, the one legged man asks for 2 water packets. (each costs 1 Re) The Sandwich guy looks bemused and gets the much needed water packets after taking the 2 Rs from the man with one leg.

Taking the water packet with his right hand, the calm and godly smile still on his face, the man with one leg limps across the main road and sits down under a tree. The wares and tools of a cobbler lie in front of him.

Having to eat the same Sandwich for 5 days a week is some achievement. Leading a life with dignity against all odds is the greatest achievement of them all.

Why not Jumbo? and Indian cricket's future

2007-09-15T10:55:00.000+05:30

Rahul Dravid has resigned as the Captain of the Indian cricket team.

The search is on for a new captain (and not to forget a new coach)

The media is teeming with possibilities. Well not really. They have come down to 2 candidates - M.S. Dhoni and S.R. Tendulkar. I must confess that I have never been a big fan of Sachin. Of course, like any cricket admirer, I have enjoyed watching him in full flow. But unlike the majority of the Indian population, for whom Sachin is a living god, my support and admiration was always spent on Brian Charles Lara.

But, its not out of the lack of admiration I say this - Sachin should NOT be made captain., but out of common sense. The man has had two shots at it and failed miserably. Those who clamour for him say that the next few tours are going to be tough ones and that it is necessary for someone with experince to lead the team.

Well, there is one man who comes to mind. He is almost as experienced as Sachin. He is undoubtedly India's greatest match winner ever. Anil Kumble! By far one of the most committed player to the national cause. no one can doubt his work ethic and team spirit. No one doubts his aggressiveness on the field either. Make him captain, give him a decent coach and make the vice-captain someone who will lead the ODI and let these guys along with Sachin, Dada, Robin and Venky take the team through the transition phase.

True, Anil has retired from ODIs. So what? I say. Let him be made the test captain, and make some youngster the ODI captain. Guess MS is the first choice that comes to mind, although I dont think he should be made, I honestly cant see who else can be. The problem with Dhoni is that, he is more of a batsman than a keeper. If he was a better keeper, then one would not have been too worried if his batting suffered under captaincy. But Dhoni's batting is very important to our ODI success and I hope I am wrong when I say this, but in the last couple of tours, MS does seem like he has curtailed his stroke play. Barring that one burst he had at Oval during the third test, I cant remember a typical MS innings for quite some time now. Ironically, its his griity ans somber match saving innings at Lords in the first test that comes to mind when one thinks of his last few memorable innings. MS no doubt is a thinking cricketer who does have a great attitude towards the game.

The sad part of all the commotion that Dravid's resignation has caused is that all the important matters have been pushed aside for the time being. Like India's pathetic fielding. Pathetic is an under statement. Ok, one cantexpect a fielding coach to create miracles, but its not over optimism, if you think that a fielding coach should ensure atleast the basics are not found wanting. Catching a straight forward catch and stopping a ball that is coming straight at you should not be so hard now. Good thing for India is that the malaise of poor fielding seems to have spread to all the international teams for some reason. Even the Aussies had a poor time on the field against Zimbabwe.

I would like to conclude this post by stressing on the importance of Yuvraj Singh for the future. Especially in ODIs. He is definitely the player to watch. In future ODIs, when one takes a look at the ODIs that India triumph in, I will stick my neck out and say that in a majority of the wins Yuvraj would have had a prominent role to play. He is not a leader of men, just let him be!!!

Yonder abound in Yercaud and Erode

2007-09-03T18:20:00.000+05:30

An army marches on its stomach and a low budget traveller travels on free food and if the free food is unbelievably tasty and served with love and affection like the one we got for 3 days in J's house, trust me when I say this, you have found paradise.

My final summer holidays, the kind you get in school and college was ending. Last week in fact cos I had to start working from July 2nd. Something had to be done and done fast. S calls, Erode as the destination decided. Convince B to come along and we set out to Erode. 3 days away from home. Not enough, but it has to do at the moment.

We land on a tuesday morning to be greeted by a mountain of Pooris with side dish that includes liver and chicken kurma. Stomach juices are going to work overtime next 3 days. Lunch is J's mom's special Mutton Briyani and its sumptuos as always There is also Chicken curry and our stomach has gained 2 inches within 6 hours.

Evening plan is to go to Bhavani Sangam, where 3 rivers are said to meet (one mythological river) not sure of the name of the rivers but I have the sneaky suspicion that its only one river that splits into 2 around an island. There is this temple on the island which is for the death rites and hence the surrounding waters are slightly polluted (to say the least) but the main source of attraction for me was the coracle ride. Have never been on one before and it was super fun.

Once thats done with we head to this ice cream parlour in Erode called Boomerang. Its ok, nice place to sit and relax and to catch some moments of rest and as dinner time is around the corner, we dont want to risk eating too much. What else can dinner be but more of the heavenly Briyani.

The next day is an early start as we catch a bus to Salem and from there we take one to Yercaud. Yercaud greets us with a light drizzle, and I slowly realise why the British took time and pains to develop hill stations. The climate is closest I would get to England. We have sights to see and the only vehicle we have is our two feet.

First stop Kiliyur falls (3.5 kms from the lake), super walk for the adventure lover. The last half a km is a narrow path for one person there is a board saying go at your own risk greeting us, with the hill's facade to one side and the gorge on the other the fall would definitely hurt and the only thing that can stop us if we slip are barbed wires. In between there is this huge tree trunk blocking the path. Three of us (me, J and B) go under the tree while S decides to climb over it only to get caught in a very delicate position with one leg stuck to the barbed wire and the second leg on the other side of the trunk, S's loins get stretched a bit more than he asked for. J helps S get out of this situation. Once that's done we get back to search for the falls.

The path becomes filled with stones and large boulders and we are now in thick foliage. Silence, our only companion. Every other step is a slip and eventually a few scratches and dirty pants later we reach the falls. Pity there is no water, cos it would have been some sight to see. After relaxing for a bit, the return trip looms large. The thought of starting my career in a sling scares me and I force my fellow travellers to take an easier route through a private estate. It costs us 30 bucks to bribe some worker to get entrance. Bloody wate of money at the end of it.

We come back to where our bus dropped us, opposite the natural lake in Yercaud and stop at a hotel for lunch. Once that's done we go to the boathouse and get ourselves 2 peddle boats. Lovely weather and lovely settings for a pleasant boat ride.

Once through with the boat ride, we decide to set off on foot and check out some view points. Starting with the Lady's seat (2.5 kms from the lake). A nice walk that takes us through resident locales and make us wonder how life would be in a hill station. Kids wearing sweaters are returning home from school and B is swearing that he will never come on a trip with us cos we make him walk a lot. Once we reach Lady's seat, all the complaints have gone. Its an amazing view point, a 270 degree view of the town as well as the curving road that comes from Salem and also the town of Salem.

Half a km from Lady's seat is Gents seat. Not as good a view but its more private and we disturb a young couple in the midst of expressing their passion for each other. Embarrassing situation for them, but I am sure they get to do this often. Really romantic spot with the breeze and the mist and the height and the view. Dont blame them for enjoying each other's warmth.

The time is 5 and we need to head back to Erode cos J's mom is going to pamper us with some of her world beating Egg Parotas. The thought of it motivates me to do the walk a little faster and we climb on to the bus.

Egg Parotas are beyond belief. Amazing is the word. It undoubtedly must have taken a lot out of J's mom. There are three layers..first the roti, then the Kheema and finally the egg.. BRILLIANT!!! A nice sleep is the ideal dessert and we get to enjoy that as well.

The next day, our last in Erode, is spent within town limits. We visit the Periyar memorial. The house where the social reformist Periyar lived ahs been turned into a memorial. Pity there is not much of information as far as his teachings and philosophies are concerned and the books available are in Tamil, so the illiterate half of me wins.

Next up is a movie. Just to keep us engaged till evening. Once evening comes we set off to Bhavani Barrage. Oneof the little temples of modern India that Jawaharlal Nehru must have referred to. The overcast skies and the reservoir with the dam as the backdrop creates the moment that I dream of in travels. Where you are alone, just you in the moment. Skipping pebbles on the river and hoping time would stop still.

But time does not wait for any man, least of all me. And we board the train back to Chennai with the taste of J's home's wonderful food and the succour of their hospitality giving us company till we reach Chennai.

Wonderful world ?

2007-08-30T18:19:00.000+05:30

Wake up today morning and switch on the TV to be greeted with images of the new 7 wonder announcement, some millionaire has hit upon a super idea to make money and the rest of the world celebrates. The announcement has been made, I cant deny being happy that Taj Mahal has made the list.

I grab my cup of coffee and sit with the papers as Chaka Khan begins her rendition of the Louis Armstrong classic - "What a wonderful world"

Papers carry news about a suicide bomber killing 103 in Iraq, 70 dead in Lall Masjid in Islamabad, Glasgow bombings, a paeodophile rapist getting deported to US, 4 children getting sexually abused in their school by some attendant and I hear the lines from the song... "And I think to myself, what a wonderful world."

A year ago..

2007-08-30T18:14:00.000+05:30

Campus placements had begun. We, the first batch of integrated media students in the history of our university were sitting down to write the tests on the basis of which we would get shortlisted for next day's interview. Only one drawback - the job!!!

After having studied 5 years of media, the last thing I wanted was to sit in front of a comp and do coding for an IT major. Its not like I was bad at coding or any such thing, just didnt want to do it. But I did need a job that my mom could repeat to the society at large and keep them quiet for a year. It was tougher for my mom cos she had given birth to an engineering dropout, a member of society who ranks one above paedophiles, drug peddlers and pimps. So if I did get placed it would be a good thing for the various stake holders who have invested in my existence.

So I sat down, answered ten questions on the speed of trains, distance travelled by cars, number of diamonds stolen by thieves and another set of questions on the English language. Seemed a cinch for me as well as for my buddies who sat with me writing the test. When we came out, we all had the same answers!! And out of some 50 odd only 10 got shortlisted, talk about lady luck. How the hell do they shortlist I wondered aloud, only to have my mouth shut with the retort - "What's your bloody problem, you got shortlisted na, all the best for the interview tmr."

Oh the interview tmr, hell. Formals to be worn. Decent shirt, decent pants and pair of shoes. That's about it. Land at the interview centre to see a confluence of ties. So many ties. Everywhere I turned the same question - "You not wearing a tie?"

Luckily, I had my two partners in crime. Kozhi and Masth. Kozhi was asked - "Is that what you wearing for the interview?" and Masth - "You here for the interview?". Guess I had one up on them atleast. We were nervous. Its not like the job meant the world to us. Its an IT job. Hell. But the fear of rejection was eating on us.

K. was the first to go in for the interview. He came out with a smile. "Dude, its a stress interview for me da. One twenty something year old girl wearing sleeveless was sitting, raising her arms behind her head. They were testing to see if I could be distracted" He was just joking, but it could be true. Soon the gospel spread. "Dont look at the armpits, keep looking at her face..only her face" This was only in room number 7 I think. There were 30 other rooms with no gospels.

My room had a rotund 30 something year old lady sitting on a chair with my resume on the table in front of her and wearing a shirt WITH sleeves. Hmmm. So the stress here has to do with looking at her scary face I guess.

Hello and hi done with. First question is shot at me - "Why is there a gap in my education?" I had to discontinue my engineering after a year for personal reasons. Personally detested engineering, but you cant tell them that now can you.

"Do you like sports, as in do you play sports?" Yes, I do "Do you play team sports?" Yes, I do.

"What were the last books you read?" The Greatest by Muhammad Ali and Razor's Edge by Somerset Maugham.

"Do you have anything to ask us?" Yes I will be graduating from a course in Media, so will my job be related to my course?

"Do you know what post we are interviewing you for?" No

"Software Engineer Trainee" But I am not an Engineer

"We know that, just wanted you to know the post you are being interviewed for and that it has nothing to do with media" Hmmm. End of interview.

550 odd students are selected by the IT major. My name is one among the selected. Mom should be happy about it, poor lady has had to suffer enough. I can always look for a job in media in the next one year and not join the IT major.

All this was a year ago. A year hence, the IT major has called me for training. I postponed it.

And now I have escaped the IT professional life by joining a TV channel.. cheers to the world!!!

Who shoots, Mani ?

2007-08-30T13:13:00.000+05:30

Working with Mani Rathnam for the movie Ayutha Ezhuthu was the pits...

Truth is, working with Mani Ratnam involved us being in a pit.. It was the third day of shooting and we had done it all... Stomping through shit (super art direction by Sabu Cyril) in Rameshwaram on the first day .. Riding on open top lorries in the blazing heat of Theni in the second day... and now the third day dawns..its literally dawn and we are asked to strip our tops off and get into a huge 10ft X 10ft X 10ft pit.

Its in times like these you tend to question the film maker's liberties in the quest for art.. the movie is about students we presume.. he has not given us the script.. we are part of a song sequence.. and we are getting paid 250 rs per day.. thats all that has been told.. and please bring your bags and a rain coat as well... hmmm..ok.. with bags packed and hopes of a long career in tinsel town.. i leave to Rameshwaram from Chennai...

Reach Rameshwaram the next evening, after crossing Pamban bridge, truly breath taking feat of modern engineering.... break for the night... shooting to begin tmr.. great.. so i get to see the famous temple with the long corridors.. you dont need to read this post to know that the temple is a brilliant sight to see.. but the paint jobs done by the restoration committee in the temple is pretty lousy.. i am guessing the colours have been chosen in keeping with the colours that were used by those who first constructed the temple... and with more guessing i assume that the actual creators of the temple (think its a chola king) must have had limited choice of paints and hence forced into these colours.. well the point is, i feel the colours used in the temple (most South Indian temples) are insulting to their architectural marvel...gawdy and vulgar.

Not as vulgar as what we were told to do the next day... there is this pond of shit.. or something that looks like shit.. the choreographers are ready..Kala and Shanthi... they make us form rows.. then the hero Surya appears.. he comes and stands at the front... now we all just walk straight.. then beat our chests and shout oh yuva oh yuva oh yuva...hmmm.. only prob was that walking straight is basically through slush (read shit).. why did Mani have to come to Rameshwaram to shoot this when there is nice slush and shit in Chennai... god only knows.. and unfortunately for most Indian actors...Mani Ratnam is god !

Once that is done, a few more shots follow, rain sequence, where a huge fan with super wind power thrusts the water that comes from these huge fireman hoses and basically fakes a rainy day... wonder if they are gonna use a filter cos its bloody sunny and its two o clock in the afternoon... but we proceed to get drenched.. and to make matters worse.. none of the actresses take part in the rain sequence.. no wet sari dance..no wonder the movie flopped...(is this what prompted Mani to add that non consequential kissing scene between Vidya Balan and Madhavan in Guru ?)

Work done for the day, we travel by night to Theni we are told.. great.. Rameshwaram is done.. Theni cant be worse.. right? WRONG !!! Sleep for three hours at the most.. and we are at the shooting site.. a bloody quarry.. its really really sunny.. and the giant fans are here as well.. but there is no hose.. hmmm... what purpose does the fans serve ? Oh crap....they are going to replicate dust storm... Mani Mani Mani... cant you just concentrate on getting a nice tight script instead of the stupid song sequences... Hell my skin feels like paper, and my hair is worse... We all breath a huge sigh of relief once the Theni shoot comes to an end.. and are even more happy to know that we will reach Pollachi by 8 p.m.. that will give us a good night's sleep.. the nice lodge in Pollachi and the nice weather aids our nocturnal ambition of a decent sleep..

Masth is up early the next day.. he has a nice hair wash with a whole satchet of shampoo.. .takes out a new vest... spanking white.. all dressed... we leave to the shooting sight.. its 6 a.m in the morning.. the assistant dirctors ask us to strip and get dirty.. we have to get into a pit.. what the hell are a bunch of students going and singing songs while stomping on shit and digging in pits ?? i dont ask Mani that.. would love to ask him sometime later though.. for now.. i strip.. so does Vish... Masth and Mak have worn vests with sleeves.. and one of them has a sparkling brand new white one.. we get into the pits.. and are given our digging tools.. hell, i am not being paid enough..

Anyway, everything seems to be ready.. when there is a noise heard at the top.. we are down below in the pit...Mani is upset about something we realise.. he is screaming... then the assistant director comes running (by the way the Assistant Director has now become a movie hero, apparently made a good debut in Paruthiveeran, i have not seen the movie so not making any comments.. but he was a nice guy for sure) why is that vest so white, he asks.. its ruining the shot.. make it more dirty.. and before he knows what's happening Masth is surrounded by people throwing mud on him and rubbing him with dirt.. while Mak has actor Siddarth (who joined us in Theni) rubbing mud on him in a rather sensual way (ok this is slander or libel..its fun to cast aspersions though).. basically, the Masth's new vest dies an early death...

Two more days in Pollachi, and we return home with our money..Esha Deol makes a brief appearance, not really great looking..but atleast some lady has come for the shoot with us..not to forget Mirchi Suchi, to whom Mak (he who had the brief fling with Siddarth gives a chilly)..and thanks to Masth's brilliant pin hole camera...which was something from the stone age (Masth had advised Mak against bringing his brand new cam, for safety reasons)..not a single photo came out...atleast the movie will have us we hoped... movie is out four months later and I get the most screen time (15 seconds)..Mak never appears.. but someone consoles him with the lie that he appeared in a couple of posters outside the city limits of Chennai.

Rather disappointed with the cinematography though.. He didnt capture my best aspects... Two years later, Mani comes knocking.. he has a role for me.. based on India's biggest industrialist.. sounds interesting.. but he tells me that there are a few song sequences.. so what do you think ?

Many thanks Mani.. but no thanks.. why dont you ask that guy with the big surname.. he will suffice... can't romance Aishwarya Rai at my age, Mani... maybe next time..

Although (to paraphrase Roald Dahl or Saki..not too sure.. from the story The Open Window)... Romance at short notice is my speciality...

Retrospection i.e. Looking back

2007-08-30T12:06:00.000+05:30

I am not too sure if it was William Wordsworth or Tupac Shakur who said 'Revenge is the sweetest thing next to getting pussy'.....I guess its Tupac cos i am certain that Wordsworth would have used more flowery language.. anyway its this quote that comes to mind when i retrospect.

As i have been vengeful many a time... not always sucessful.. sometimes very successful...and my revenge, i had.. either way it aint that sweet.. I am sure there are many things sweeter than revenge.. the feeling of exhilaration one gets after seeing a great movie... the emotion of achievement you get when you finish reading a brilliant book.. the sense of wonder you feel when you visit a new place or sight the Taj Mahal for the first time....the satisfaction that hits you when you get a child to smile...the meaningfulness your life gets after realising you have helped someone out through your actions... Much Sweeter !!!

But sugar is sweetest when you take it to remove the bitterness... this holds true in my life as well.. and nothing makes me feel more bitter than regret... as i type this post there is a lot of regret in my heart.... regret of not taking hold of the opportunity to go along with my father to his hometown, Kottayam, this weekend..This is the first time he is going there since i was born.. as his family have moved to Trivandrum, the capital of the state of Kerala, my visits to Kerala have always been restricted to Trivandrum (or Thiruvananthapuram)...always wanted to go and see the house that he was born in... the tank where his grandma refused to let him swim ( owing to which he never learnt to swim )... the school where he studied his first lessons, the college where he learnt the important ones...the town that made him the man he is today.. I presumed that i would be more busy than what i have been this weekend...and decided not to go... Bitter !!!

Regret not taking up Tamil as a third language in school as I believed Sanskrit would get me more marks...this in the fourth standard and till the eight.. after going to the ninth, not once has anyone ever asked me what my grades were in the eight standard...not even once... I can't read the bus boards...the posters...read the local papers...why ?...cos well they are all written in Tamil... Bitter !!!

Regret amongst other things not knowing what sarcasm was when i was in third standard.. cos i assume it was sarcasm that made the guy who discovered Greenland name it so.... and in all my eight year old wisdom.. i wanted to go to a green place for the summer hols and asked my dad to take me to Greenland...and he being the man that he was and is, promptly agreed ( Damn sarcasm...although i think i have grown up to embody a bit of the sarcasm myself ), much to the delight of the wiser eight year olds, right up to the not so wise eighty year olds... as i would proudly exclaim to anyone i met that i am off to Greenland for the summer... one fifteen year old actually stroked my head and burst out laughing inspite of trying hard not to laugh at an innocent kid (ME) that he ended up flushing my face... Bitter !!!

Regret not having the gumption and the freedom to go upto my parents and thank them for ensuring that i grew up in a secure home... thank them for ensuring that none of my wants were left unanswered ( but for the Greenland trip ).. thank them for providing me the means to stand up and fall, knowing fully well that I had to stand up again cos crying would not serve any purpose.. thank them for ensuring that there was never a fall that i could not get up from...thank them for exposing me to books, movies, sports, places, sights and sounds... things they didnt get so easily when they were my age.... Bitter !!!

Regret not being able to tell friends who have suffered loss of dear ones, family problems, financial insecurities, physical deficiencies - but still living normal or extra ordinary lives - that they have greatness in them... Bitter !!!

But amidst all the regrets i have the sugar that tastes the sweetest... Hope !!!

I hope to take my dad to Kottayam one day... with me taking care of all the expenses.. hope to tell my mom that i missed her cooking when i was away and to thank her for letting me have differing thoughts on many issues inspite of the pain it undoubtedly causes her... hope to learn tamil and read the Thirukural....hope to make some of my friends realise how great they are... and most of all, hope to go to Greenland and blog a one line post that says - BEAT THAT, FACE FLUSHER !!

Boatride at a wedding not held at the Big Temple

2007-08-29T13:19:00.000+05:30

The one line thread :- A bunch of guys go on a road trip from Chennai to attend the wedding of the brother of their friend at Tanjore, stopping off at Mannarkudi for a day before attending the wedding.

The Cast :- 20 odd handsome guys between the age of 21-23

The Villain - Earth's rotation that restricts a day to 24 hours and hance very little time

Departure - From CMBT to Mannarkudi, bus boarded at 8 p.m on a Saturday (much to Dil's consternation cos he thought the departure time was 7:15 p.m and he was speedily and panic-strickenly shopping for underwear... not the right frame of mind for underwear shopping... anyway, we reach Mannarkudi at 4 am on Sunday. DD breaks his 21st pair of spectacles on the way.

Plan of action for Sunday - Crash till 8. Breakfast at Prem's joint (Prem is also the Superhost at Mannakudi) at 9.. hearty breakfast at that with Idly, Pongal, Poori, Halwa and a nice cuppa to round it off.

Next we move on to Muthupet. MUTHUPET is a lagoon, a restricted area of mangrove forests and a bird sanctuary. It was also not too crowded with tourists and is 35km from Mannarkudi. The cars drop us off and go all the way back to bring us lunch (Superhost at work). While lunch is being brought. We, the 21, board a boat and set off through the mangroves and to the lagoons. Spotting quite a few birds, unfortunately the our knowledge of Ornithology was restricted to Daffy duck and we did not know what birds we were spotting. One hawk or eagle or kite put on a show for us by sky diving to catch a fish in its claws.. this piece of NatGeo action taking place some 3 feet away from us.. super.

There is also this bat field (Vavaal Thottam in Tamil). Once you reach there you are literally in a scene from a Batman movie with a few hundred bats flying over you, and these are big bats mind you. It was still day hence not so scary.

More boating action while lunch is awaited. Then we dock at this private picnic spot, complete with a cottage and all.. and LUNCH arrives... BIG LUNCH - Lamb briyani, Chicken 65, Fish fry, Mutton Kurma and the tour de force - Crab. OOH LA LA!!! Let me say that one more time - OOH LA LA!!!

Lunch done we set off on our boats to satisfy the sailor hidden inside us all. The sun is in its descendence and the mercury is coming down. There is a nice breeze coming through and all this just adds to the hallucinogenic high that the sumptuos lunch had brought us to. We finally conclude our sojourn to Muthupet and return to Mannarkudi as a temple trip awaits us.

Mannarkudi Rajagopalaswamy temple http://images.world66.com/ma/nn/ai/mannai_temple_view_galleryfull

could be better maintained, i still believe that the big temples should be taken over by ASI like THE Big Temple (mentioned later on) is. We have only half hour of Temple time left so we hurriedly rush through the visit. An insult to the temple, but nothing can be done. We next head to the HUGE temple tank. Lovely setting to sit and while away time, but time is of essence and we rush to Prem's house where dinner is waiting. Dinner is served in the terrace - Chapathi, Upma, Paneer Butter Masala, Ice Cream and a warm cup of milk. All that is left is sleep.

Plan of action for Monday - Early start to Tanjore after hurriedly bidding our goodbyes to Prem's warm and caring family. Our class's tradition of hospitality gets a new chapter added to it in Mannarkudi. Kum's bro wedding awaits us. Reach in time for breakfast. They give extra pooris ( a blessing for those who cant stand Idli and Pongal). The bride and the groom arrive. Most of us are stunned by the similarity in the smiles of the groom, kum and kum's dad. We wish the couple a very happy married life and chat with Kum for sometime and then before we know it we are off to THE Big Temple - Brihadisvara Temple in Tanjore http://usandeep.com/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderpictures/.pond/kodai_brihadisvara_inside.jpg.w300h225.jpg The architectural marvel is a sight that will stun you into silence. Thankfully its maintained well, cos of its UNESCO heritage status. We also checked out the small museum inside the temple complex, which contains details of how the temple was constructed. It also put to rest a doubt that we had - that the Vimana Gopuram is NOT a monolith. After getting the blessing from the temple elephant, Velliammal (donated by the thespian Sivaji Ganesan) we leave for our next destination.

Sudden change in plans take eight of us to Trichi to visit our good buddy Kozhi. We land at Trichi at 4 p.m. Trichi is a town that has an abundance of temples to visit. But time being the villain that it is restricts us to one - Rock Fort. We head towards rock fort at 5, great time to take the climb and catch the wind breezing through. But before that we are treated to some lovely Pav Bhaji, Brinjal bajji and delighful home made chocolates, courtesy Kozhi's mom. The view from the top of Rock fort is one that will last in your mind for long. With the river Kaveri and the tall gopuram of Srirangam to one side and the town of Trichi on the other side. Romantic to say the least.

The next day we catch a train to Chennai... the train journey finds me lost in my thoughts of the trip that was one for the ages.

Wayanad's wiles - 1

2007-08-29T13:03:00.000+05:30

We begin at the beginning... but the beginning is not at the start of my five day trip to Wayanad's forests... the beginning refers to those days of watching Disney's Jungle Book.. and singing 'The bare necessities'.. I wanted to be Mowgli.. growing up with the wolves.. something needed to be done about my primal urge..so i set off with four other buddies from college ( Ja, Dil, Sreeps and Vish) to Wayanad, a district in the North East of Kerala with two beautiful forest ranges - Muthanga and Tholpetty

When are the unreserved compartments getting cushions

We had to get down at Kozhikode (Calicut) as thats the nearest railhead to Wayanad. ( Actually from Chennai the shortest route as far as time is concerned is to go to Mysore and take a bus from Mysore to Sultan Bathery) Owing to timing probs we decided to board the Mangalore Mail starting at 20:15 from Chennai Central on 8th March, Thursday..and as we are college guys, real men..that and the fact that it was cheaper meant that we travelled unreserved.. cost us 150 Rs... the journey to Kozhikode is twelve hours and involved a lot of butt ache.. when we getting those cushions here Mr. Yadav ?? We reached Kozhikode at 08:45 on 9th March, Friday. Took care of our morning ablutions at the waiting room in the station, which to my pleasant surprise is stunningly clean...

Breakfast at the Hotel Divar consisted of 10 Parottas, 4 Pathiris (rice chapathi), Beef Liver curry, Chicken curry, Egg Masala, Fish Curry and Tea and cost us a 'grand' total of 163 Rs.. Food is definitely cheap in Kerala.. We didnt get the chance to explore Kozhikode's famous Mithai street as we had to rush to board a bus to Wayanad.

Schumacher Wannabes

There was no direct bus to Sultan Bathery (which is a major town in Wayanad district and the one closest to Muthanga forest range - our destination) at that time so we took a bus to Kalpetta, the capital of Wayanad.. got into the bus at 11:00.

Wayanad is a hilly district and the roads have many hair pin bends and long slopes..so you kinda expect a journey to be slow.. but trust me when I put this on writing - Kerala bus drivers are fast, recklessly fast.. Dil wanted to puke at most hair pins.. and once we got out at Kalpetta at 12:30, he made us promise him we are not going back to Kozhikode...which luckily for him we never were planning to in the first place.. Kozhikode-Kalpetta bus trip cost us 180 bucks (56 Rs per person) for a journey of 107 kms, Mysore to Kalpetta distance is 140 kms..another bus to Sultan Bathery cost us 105 Rs (21 per head).. Tipu Sultan had built a fort to peserve his arms here and hence the name Sultan Bathery, which in English i assume is Sultan's Battery...halted at a relative's huose for a sumptuous lunch and left to Muthanga

Sultan Bathery to Muthanga bus will cost a person 6 bucks but as the next bus was a one hour wait and we wanted to reach before dark. Hence, we took a jeep to Muthanga Forest checkpost that cost us 170 Rs...Jeep driver's name is Ajit Ph no. - 94473 - 57191.

Watch tower or watch house ?

We reached Muthanga by five and the forest officer at Muthanga told us to parcel some food and gave us a guide..a nice guide but very silent type, not a conversationist..would only answer the questions posed to him.. and some of the answers weren't too convincing... We were allocated the Marghata Watch Tower and as we drove in to the guest house (jeep costing 200 Rs.) we passed a sexy watch tower next to a watering hole and got sight of our first elephant.. the first wildlife we spotted was the Malabar Giant Squirrel, a crimson coloured thing which is the size of a well fed domestic cat... anyways, coming back to the watch tower.. the watch tower next to the watering hole had some problem with the trench around it and that wasnt where we were headed...
Just when we started to enter the deeper forests we suddenly came to a halt..and in front of us was a two storey house... something out of a housing board colony..there was an Adivasi couple living in a hut besides the house and there was a trench around the house.. this was the Marghata Watch tower... there was no watering hole around the tower... suddenly our prospects of spotting Sher Khan seemed bleak.. and it gets even bleaker when our guide says that he has spotted a tiger only four times in his 13 years of work in this range.. hmmm... the guide is even more disappointed when he learns that he is spending the night with 5 college students who are teetotallers (atleast most of the time they are)

Wayanad's wiles - 2

2007-08-29T13:01:00.000+05:30

Is that Orion or Scorpio ?

I have never seen so many stars in the sky...the moon was not out..may be that's why..but trust me there was not a single speck of sky that was not occupied by stars...time was 19:00 hrs and not a single nocturnal creature was spotted... we heard a lot of noises... one bird had a particularly entertaining sound which resembled a villain's or comedian's laugh... the city bred boys that we are, the only bird sounds that we can recognise are that of crows, cuckoos and hens..to make matters worse, our guide didnt seem to know the name either..

Early dinner at 21:00 hrs..Parotta and Beef and we climb upto the balcony and hit the sack...Early start tomorrow morning... the cold and the sudden and bright appearance of the moon at approximately 23:00 hrs plus all the forest sounds ensures that the sleep is a disturbed one... The moon is so bright and its appearance is so sudden that Dil wonders who put the lights on ?

These pug marks are real

Trekking starts at 06:30.. Vish and Sreeps are keen to show us the pug mark that they spotted when they woke up ( those two had risen earlier and thanks to their joblessness..made up a pug mark to fool us ).. we played along and started our trek only to be confronted by real pug marks...leading into the jungles.. His Majesty was certainly there somewhere...

We trekked upto the Trijunction which is the meeting point between Kerala, Karnataka and Tamil Nadu and we also got to climb up the watch tower we had seen the previous evening..but no elephants to be found
Samba deers, Langurs, Spotted deers and suddenly....

Our forest guide, after an hour, takes us off the beaten track and into the jungles. The group automatically becomes quiet, thanks to hunger and a sense of danger. The guide mistakes a wild boar to be a bear, but quickly corrects his mistake when the boar starts to run.. we are dissapointed to say the least, but the sight of a majestic Samba deer with antlers proves to be some consolation although his majesty still eludes us...
We continue walking through the forest trail with our guide leading us through the way when we suddenly come across a pile of elepant dung..and then a fresher pile and then the freshest pile and then suddenly there he is.. a lone tusker.. Lone tuskers are the most dangerous animals in the forest... Elephants are very group minded.. a lone tusker means that the particular Elephant is an outcast, which means it has a bad behaviour..having heard the stories of numerous deaths at the hands of tuskers from my uncles, i am a bit apprehensive of going any closer. The guide seems to be more apprehensive and takes a u-turn as soon as we finish taking our snaps... We continue walking for another hour and we reach the dormitory by 10:30.

4000 B.C. ! you gotta be kidding me

Briyani for luch from Hotel Jubilee at Bathery costs us 60 Rs per plate.. big mistake ordering a heavy lunch cos our next destination is Edakkal caves, 12 kms from Bathery..bus cost 14 Rs... containing prehistoric paintings...4000 B.C is how old the paintings are...

God bless the shopkeeper who tells us to leave our bags at his shop before climbing... oh what a climb.. the five of us are not weaklings...but we struggle through the climb to reach the top..splendid view and super caves.. history around us and the comforting thought of a downhill climb... we wind up by 17:30 hours and get on a bus to Mananthavady ( 27 Rs from Bathery for a journey of 48 kms)

Wayanad's wiles - 3

2007-08-29T12:59:00.000+05:30

To Alaska or bust

Alaska tourist home is the place we decide to halt fr the night at Mananthavady and we experience super hospitality.. sexy double bedrooms for 100 bucks and 40 Rs. for an extra bed.. the rooms are cheap as the bathrooms are common.. but to our joy we find out that the bathrooms are common but they have locks that ensure that one bathroom is allocated with a separate bathroom.. in other words our rooms have bathrooms but they are not attached.. worth the money trust me.

Lovely settings but a 'small' temple

Kerala for all its communism is small in its outlook.. a case in point seen at the Thirunelly temple (32 kms from Mananthavady and 27.50 Rs. bus ticket, time 07:00 on 11th morning when we start).. the temple is set in pristine surroundings with hills surrounding it and a river running besides it..but non hindus are not allowed.. Ja, inspite of me insisting him to come, decides not to enter...being the principled man that he is, I am not surprised...Dil is upset that he has to remove his t-shirt cos he has put extra powder in his armpits..fortunately for him and unfortunately for the rest of us..there are no traces of the powder.. the temple is a small one and has nothing particularly appealing in an architecture point of view but for its location...definite must see just for its settings..
After breakfast, we head for Tholpetty Forest range.. 7 kms from Thirunelly...bus journey costs a total of 13 bucks

I have been going to forests for 34 years and I am yet to spot a tiger

Thats what Mr. Narayanan says..56 year old guy sitting next to me in the bus... he is heading towards Nagarhole sanctuary but decides to join us and come to Tholpetty.. he warns us that the chances of spotting wildlife are very low.. 50 % are the chances is what the forester at Tholpetty warns us.. are you sure you wanna go in ? Well, we have come all the way from Chennai, so even if we dont get to spot any animals, the forest is reason enough for us to go in...jeep costs 300 Rs, guide costs 100 Rs and entrance fee of 80 Rs.... Ideal time to spot animals is in the mornings and the evenings.. the forest range is closed in the afternoons.. the written entries show that most of the tiger spottings are between 17:00 hrs to 18:30 hrs.. we got to go in the afternoon...thanks to influence..ahem ahem.

We get to spot a few deers and langurs but no tigers or elephants or bears... the forests at Tholpetty are definitely more denser than the ones at Muthanga... Lovely watch tower besides a watering hole too..which is sure to guarantee sightings...sure hope to stay overnight here next time around... But Narayan insists that Goa is the place where youngsters like us should be headed.

Wow, these are islands ?

We stop of at Kattikulam for lunch and regret every minute of it.. After lunch we take an auto to Kuruva Dweep ( 17 kms from Mananthavady and 8 kms from Kattikulam).. the auto guy charges us 50 Rs.. which we realise is a really meagre amount.. as the 8 kms are made up of roads which are sure suspension killers...
The autos are have more value for money than the buses.. the government buses have fancy ass technology for ticket delivery with the conductors equipped with electronic ticket machines...the machines are two years old..but the buses seem like they are thirty years old.. absolute torture.. we try to talk our auto guy into waiting.. but he tells us with a smiling face that there is a lot to see in Kuruva Dweep so it will take us time
Entrance fee to Kuruva Dweep is 25 Rs per head and is well worth the money... One can easily spend a day here...Its an uninhabited island and you have to take 2 ferries across. most steps and seats and benches are made of bamboo.. lovely they are.. sexy lakes surround the islands.. really a sight to see

Bye Bye Mananthavady

Night bus to Kannur starts from 01:00 hs from the Gandhi Park bus stand is the info we get when we call up Bathery bus stand (Ph - 04936 - 220217) The bus starts from Ooty and comes via Bathery to Mananathavady..
We get enough time to vist Pazhassi Raja's tomb... which is in Manathavady itself.. a nice 15 minute stroll from Alaska Tourist home.. nice little place nestled on a table top hill.. giving a nice view of the surroundings.. as the tomb is being spruced up we dont get much in the kind of information on Pazhassi Raja apart from him being a king who fought against the Brits and got killed in battle

Pack our bags after dinner at Garden Restaurant ( 180 Rs.. after carefully interrogating the waiter and extracting the information that the cheapest ice cream is 10 Rs, which is a 50 ml cup of Vanilla..Sreeps decides to order a Casatta ice cream...which the rest of us promptly gorge on) and say bye to the friendly reception attendant at Alaska...

Board the bus to Kannur... 56 Rs. for a very uncomfortable journey.. reack Kannur at 04:30 hrs.. bus to Kasargod starts at 05:00 hrs...

Wayanad's wiles - 4

2007-08-29T12:57:00.000+05:30

Kasaragod is not Wayanad

Its a whole new district..the northernmost in Kerala.. Mangalore is a mere 51 kms from Kasaragod.. why are we here ? To see Bekal fort... the fort where Arvind Swamy serenades to Manisha Koirala in the film Bombay. Its 16 kms from Kasaragod... We initially decided to leave our bags in the cloak room at the railway station..but to our disappointment we discover that there is no cloak room at the station.. as our train is only at 22:15 p.m and we have reached Kasaragod at 08:30.. we are left with no option but to check into a lodge... we check into Airlines Hotel or something to that effect... by far the worst place i have stayed in.. lousy staff and lousier service.. buggers charged us extra for a triple bedroom with one bed broken and useless.. lousy place... especially coming after our wonderful stay at Alaska Tourist home in Mananthavady..

Thankfully Bekal Fort eased our irritation.. its a stunning sight but the weather proved to be a dampener.. bloody hot.. True lovers should serenade in the heat..not in the rain like the way Arvind Swamy does in the movie. In spite of the heat, the fort is truly stunning and we found ourselves a spot under a tree where we stopped off for a couple of hours before returning to Kasaragod.

The guys then went shopping for some traditional banana chips at Kasaragod town.. and Sreeps, Vish and Dil bought some Padhmukam which is this herbal powder to which boiled water is added and strained to get this flavoured water which is, i think, supposed to be healthy. All the restaurants we ate in served us water hot and pinkish brown in colour - thanks to this powder. All the restaurants had crockery as well..china flourished.

After dinner we checked out from the hotel unceremoniously and boarded the West Coast express to Chennai at 22:15.

Five days of super fun

In case you get a chance to go to Wayanad..take a nice torch with you.. this is useful in the forest as well as in the towns which go to sleep by 21:00 hrs.. lack of streetlights give it an eerie ambience.. torches will be useful
The fun factor of the trip is the responsibility of forest officer Sujith (Trivandrum range), A.K.Gopalan (Muthanga Range), Guide Rajeevan, Thangu aunty, a couple of auto drivers, Abhay from Alaska tourist home ( i think thats his name)... A big debt of gratitude to them all.

If you are from Chennai...do take the opportunity to go on a auto rickshaw ride.. its tough to find decent auto drivers in Chennai.. tough not to find decent ones in the north of Kerala..

Trip in brief(s) -

8th March 20:15 Board Mangalore mail from Chennai to Kozhikode, 9th March 08:30 Reach Kozhikode, 9th March 17:00 Reach Muthanga Forest, 10th March 14:00 Visit Edakkal caves, 10th March 20:00 Reach Mananthavady, 11th March 08:30 visit Thirunelly temples, 11th March 12:00 visit Tholpetty forest Range, 11th March 15:30 visit Kuruva Dweep, 12th March 01:00 start for Kannur, 12th March 05:00 start for Kasargod from Kannur, 12th March 08:30 reach Kasargod, 12th March 12:00 visit Bekal fort, 12th March 22:15 start for Chennai

Trip cost us 1600 Rs per person.. mainly for the bus rides..food was well worth the price paid... but like the credit card ad says.. the trip : 1600 Rs., the novel experience : priceless

wanderLUST

2007-08-25T13:17:00.000+05:30

As I write this post, two buds of mine are doing things that I would have killed to do. Ok maybe not kill, but I sure wish I was in their place.

One is off to Iraq. That's right..IRAQ!!! The country where bombs go off every other day. Where there is a civil war happening between Shias and Kurds. Thats where she is going on a pilgrimage. She, her parents and 70 others if I am not mistaken. I would have loved to go to Iraq, although not with my parents and 70 others and never for a pilgrimage. Just to go and see and get an idea of what really happens and is happening there. To get my perspective on the war torn country. To understand the country that has given the world so much culture right from Mesopotamia to the Arabian Nights, which now lies devastated.

The other friend of mine has set off on a North India trip (atleast that is what he says, with him one can never be sure) He has set off on a quest for the all important truth. Hopefully his search will end under the shade of some Peepal tree. Most likely to be somewhere near Jamshedpur, but he could also be in Coonoor or hiding in his KK Nagar home.. With him one can never be sure.

Travelling is such a pleasure. I cant answer the question of Why does one travel. But I do know why I love to travel. Its for this moment, where everything else no longer exists and its just you and the surroundings, and you bond with the place like no one else can. Everyone feels wonder when they first visit the Taj Mahal, but everyone do not feel the wonder that you feel. When you first sight the Taj, it does not matter who is standing next to you. Mundane questions like where you are going to get your next meal from is pushed to the background. Its just you and the edifice of love, standing face to face.

Such moments can happen anywhere. On a crowded bus that suddenly breaks down in the middle of nowhere and it starts to rain. There you are, where? you are not sure. You just walk to the nearest tea shop, get yourself a hot tea and suddenly realise that the only thing on your mind is the tea you are sipping. You are in the moment.
Such moments is what I travel for, and I hope my two pals find many such moments in their trips. Famous last word - GOOMTAKKA

Beggars of the world...Unite !!!

2007-08-25T13:07:00.000+05:30

The reason why i have asked all of you to turn up at such an early hour is to have an open discussion... why ?
Well my brothers in alms...i am fed up.. i am sick and tired of the lack of self respect.. the so called middle class does not seem to realise how tough a profession ours is... it aint easy to go up to those morons and beg.. let them give it a try... they never will.. and they dont realise the importance of us beggars...they dont realise the link we form in the economic cycle...

We need to stand up and be counted for.. We need to fight.. We need a union..but our union should be different...we unite not in strikes..we unite not for politics..we unite for the sake of penury...
I propose to start a union..but i dont like the term union..it has a negative ring to it.. prefer to call it a conglomeration...and this conglomeration shall be called..... Albow(l) inc. pronounced ALL BOW.. as everyone will bow before us... we will have as our symbol an Aluminum Bowl..

.
Our first proposal will be a ban on Child Labour within the organisation...no more will children beg... this will ensure that these kids dont exploit us older men... the bloody kids have become too smart these days..and with technology having become what it is..they get greater exposure at a younger age.. and in our business knowledge is power... kids run faster and have better physical capabilties and they also get more sympathy from the people and hence eat into our profits...kids are smart alecs who may take over our organisation right from under our noses.. Hence for our betterment..we should ban child beggars under the pretext of a ban on child labour.

We should divide the conglomeration into different ministries or rather have seperate holding companies that will be separate entities but come under the umbrella of the Albow conglomeration.. I shall elucidate on what I mean by that... We should have a separate entity taking care of tourist spots... a separate entity for beggars with physical deformties... a separate entity for old aged.. a separate one for singers and artists.. separate mobile one which will take care of beggars who have to travel on trains and buses... separate entities for different corporations and cities... Having such separate entities will ensure that no one eats into the other's profit.. these entities will collect the daily wages and take a small bit and put it in a fixed deposit account...the members of each entity will get a share of the interest generated and have separate accounts in banks initially, where the interest will get distributed in their names.. in the near future, the members will get insurace as well.. of course you wont have mediclaim cos that will eat up into the profits we can get.. always remember - a sick beggar is more valuable than a healthy beggar.

Taking inspiration from the present goverment's Employment Guarantee Scheme... I propose to have a 100 day begging duty guarantee scheme where we could combine it with a paid holiday.. what i am trying to say is.. for eg. We give holiday for ten members from the physical disabilty entity in a particular city..and during those ten days..we replace their post with trainees...these trainees will get hundred days in ten day shifts every year...
We should also have an age limit for the members... the age limit should be flexible.. those with physical disabitily can be members at a young age...those with no handicaps whatsoever apart from poverty should become members only when they cross 58 years of age...till that time they are physically capable of doing menial tasks...
In case there are those special beggars who cant find menial jobs... they can join the pension scheme where they will get pension till they become fifty eight years of age.. membership to the pension scheme will be open to only those who bring with them the right references...

And finally, the first and foremost task is to remove the false notion of prostitution being the oldest profession by legitimising Begging as a profession....

Now, all those in favour of the setting up of Albow Inc... say please !!!

'Soccer' sucks !!!

2007-08-24T19:15:00.001+05:30

Calling FIFA a large organisation is an understatement of sorts; with 207 member countries, it is even bigger than the United Nations (which has only 191 members). Now out of these two hundred and seven countries, the beautiful game is known by the ugly term soccer in less than 10 countries, that's like less than five percent. The greatest sporting event calls it football; the second greatest sporting event calls it football, so how and why does the term soccer still exist?

The answer to the question how is an easy one- the name association football was coined to distinguish the game after the Football Association codified the rules of football in England in 1863. The word soccer is a colloquial abbreviation of association.

The answer to the question, why is the term soccer still in vogue, is much easier. Out of the ten odd countries that officially use the term, one of them happens to be United States. And the U.S. has this flattering view of its position in the sporting universe, for example they call the finals of their domestic baseball league the 'World' Series and it is this egocentric view of the U.S that is the primary reason for the term soccer to still thrive. You see they already have a football with a 'superbowl', and they cant change the name for a trivial reason like the rest of the world's preferences now can they. So soccer it is for the U.S. And for similar reasons Australia and Canada too call the sport 'soccer'.

The frightening fact is that the use of 'soccer' is on the rise due to the global influence of American culture. For the sake of football one just hopes that American influence starts and ends with how the game is called and not how the game is played.

A dummy's guide to football terms

2007-08-24T19:13:00.000+05:30

Red and Yellow Cards – These are cards used for warning a player if his fouls are too violent… Red Card means automatic expulsion.. Two Yellow Cards in the same game will get the same punishment.

Offside – The simplest as well as most confusing (and controversial) rule in football that involves the striker to be behind the opponent teams player when a ball is passed forward to him by his teammate. See what I mean by being simple and confusing at the same time.

Striker - The player who gets to put the most number of goals and hence gets the most media coverage.

Midfielder – The player who plays in the middle of the football field. He can be attacking or defending depending on which part of Europe he is coming from.

Defender – The most hardworking group of players especially if you are playing Brazil. Don’t get any media coverage as they try to stop goals from being scored.

Goalkeeper – Stands before the net and prays that the ball never comes his way. Complains about the striker being offside some of the times, complains about his defender being inadequate some of the times, complains about the ball's aerodynamics all of the times.

Penalty kick - If an opponent is fouled inside the 20 yard box around your goal, then the opponent gets a penalty kick which means they get a chance at taking a shot at the goal from the penalty spot with only the goal keeper as a barrier.

Free Kick – If a player is fouled anywhere else then they get a free kick.. That is they get to kick the ball without any opponent player trying to take the ball away from them.

Dribbling – The art of kicking the ball with your legs and getting it through the opponents. Basically, it is a skill that any great player requires. Don’t tell David Beckham that though.

Weighted Pass – The perfect pass that requires the receiver only to put his foot or head on to the ball and the ball magically flies into the goal.

Header – When you strike the football with your head.

Crossbar – The bar across the top of the goal.

Upright – The posts on either side of the goal.

Corner Kick – When the ball goes out of play behind your goal and if your teammate is the last to touch the ball then your opponent gets to kick the ball in from the corner near your goal.

Metatarsal – Not a traditional football term but now pretty common after every top player in England (David Beckham in 2002, Michael Owen and Wayne Rooney in 2006) getting an injuring his metatarsal…that is basically what normal people call the TOE.

GOOOOAAAALLLL!!! – you dont need me to tell you what this is, right ??

Divine Blasphemy

2007-08-24T19:12:00.000+05:30

I dont smoke.. or consume liquor.. or do drugs.. the closest i get to a hangover is eating beef ( at least that's what it says on the menu ) at this fast food named besant fast food... and every time i get a chance to sneak out and have this senses conquering bits of cow or bull or dog or rat.. really cant make out by the taste or the colour and the light in the fast food is not that great

To my one international reader... (the other one quit reading my blogs after the one about my love) when i type fast food..you have to read it as road side junk outlet..and i hope you continue to read my posts even after this one

Anyway... every time i eat the beef... in the night i am haunted or rather disturbed by really intellectual dreams... and the next morning my family is disturbed by my flatulence skills... this routine took place last night.. and this morning... and the following conversation is the stuff my dreams are made of :-

Divine Blasphemy continued 1

2007-08-24T19:10:00.000+05:30

Dream Conversation Pals : wake up vinsamp... wake up... its time for your dream...

Me: huh.. oh yeah.. i had that beef didnt i.. but who are you guys.. what happened to the cross-dressing richard nixon and the voltaire quoting marilyn monroe ??

D.C.P : well today you actually had real beef at that joint.. so you get us

M: so who are you guys.. looks like tonight its a technicolour dream huh

D.C.P: I am Prophet Mohammed.. and the man next to me is Lord Krishna

M: I am James Bond

Note:- Reader(s) from here on i will not be typing D.C.P or M so hope you guys understand without it... and if you dont.. well you are not missing anything

yeah right vinsamp... we know who you are.. and james bond has six pack abs not six flat tyres..

oh is that the only difference between james and me.. thats not so bad..

ok vinsamp is that all you have to discuss with us

well what the hell do you think.. that i keep a list of questions ready in case i get to meet prophet Mohammed and lord Krishna.. hey prophet.. how come you are... you know a person.. isn’t that like not right

first of all vinsamp.. this is the Danish cartoon version of me.. that’s why i am so colourful and i have this Chinese accent.... and secondly please don’t call me prophet all the time.. i wanna be a part of the 21st century.. so please call me Pro-Mo.. you got that dude..

Pro-Mo ??? ok.. so what do you wanna be called lordakrish ??

no..no.. just stick to Krish.. i am the ISKCON version you know.. so i am truly international...

Pro-Mo and Krish.. thats cool... so Pro-Mo.. first question to you.. whats with this no personification nonsense huh

well vinsamp.. you see i thought it best that the people should not bow down to one person or thing... they should not be slaves so to speak.. i wanted them to be true to themselves not to some idol...

and besides as you can see vin... the man is bloody ugly

hey krishna, you aint that great looking yourself.. blacky

ok ok hold it.. listen this is my dream.. and i am the only one who gets to throw insults here.. alright... Pro-Mo.. .there are a few things i have a prob with.. first is this thing about men getting to marry as many women

hey hey vinsamp hold on a minute.. i never made that man-marry-many rule.. that was made by some others during the crusades.. the reason was that as many of my followers were dying in the wars... the wise men thought that the only way to ensure that Islam would continue to exist was to let the men marry many women so even if they die in the war.. atleast they will have many offsprings back in Arabia...

ok fine Pro-Mo.. fine.. the law change seems ok then.. but why is it continuing now.. please dont give me jehadi as a reason.. now there is no crusades and there are abundant muslims so why cant the law be removed... isnt it anti women.. atleast one thing about hinduism is that there is no such laws

yeah in hinduism case one woman got to marry five men... check out Draupadi.. thats true equality for women

please shut up Krish.. out of those five men.. two thought of her as an elder sister... one used to discuss military strategies with her when she was pregnant... the fourth gambled her away.. and the fifth was a violent glutton.. and this whole nonsense happened because she was mistaken for a thing and was asked to be split five ways... please keep quite and smoke on your ISKCON dope for sometime.. now Pro-Mo even otherwise.. there are some really tough rules for women.. like the triple talaaq rule for instance

you think it should have been made five talaaqs instead

NO I THINK IT SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE AND IF IT SHOULD BE THERE THE CHOICE SHOULD BE GIVEN TO THE WOMEN ALSO

oh ok.. well.. well..

Divine Blasphemy continued 2

2007-08-24T19:09:00.000+05:30

see that vinsamp.. pro-mo does not know what to say.. ha ha ha

oh you dont laugh Krish.. i am just gonna start with you...why should people have to shave their hair off.. women included.. is the hindu god some sick psychopath who will dispel his favours only to those who are uglier than him... why should they have to pierce their tongues.. walk on fire... roll on the ground.. do sit ups.. the list is endless...

well vinsamp... when they shave off their head.. .the roots become stronger.. look at my mane of hair... how lustrous they are.. and the rolling on the ground is physio therapy..and..

oh is it.. then what about all this ruckus made about some woman touching the idol at the sabarimala temple and causing it to become impure

hey dude.. thats because my bro ayyapa is the idol there and he is celibate..

so am i krish.. and i dont get any sex fantasy every time a girl touches me... and he is supposed to be god.. so he should have superior mind control.. if you ask me a true god is someone who can go to the playboy mansion and still not get an erection even if he has angelina jolie trying to give him a really hot blow.. if he can do that.. then he is really some god..

AAAANNNGELIINAAAA

hey krish... woah boy.. you think she is hot too huh.. i heard you were some hot stuff in your time.. women used to go crazy over you na... now if i tried to stick a peacock feather in my hat and play the flute.. either they will call me gay... or they will set their dogs after me.. but coming back to that sabarimala thing... what kind of god is he if he loses his control to some local kannada actress.. and Pro-Mo what about all the women having to wear black from head to toe.. that too in the humid weather of chennai.. and krish...

DREAM ENDS.. REALITY BECKONS

Divine Blasphemy continued 3

2007-08-24T19:08:00.000+05:30

Vinu wake up wake up...

oh hi mom... what is the matter...

could you please stop farting and get ready fast..you need to go to coll remember.. and why does your expulsions stink so much.. and dont forget to break coconuts at the temple before you go ok

oh ma.. you shouldnt make an agnostic do all this.. come on.. have you ever thought what money these temples will be making selling those coconuts to some hotel or restaurant...

what is this agnostic nonsense... you dont believe in god is it.. how can you say such a thing

no ma.. if i dont believe in god than i would be an atheist.. an agnostic is someone who believes in science and who thinks god will exist if he is proved by science to exist..

that means you are neither this nor that

ma, i am not this nor that.. i am an agnostic.. i like to think that rationality and pragmatism is what is necessary in this world

Vinu, Are you on drugs ???

How many coconuts should i break???

That Orkut is no good

2007-08-24T19:06:00.000+05:30

This disclaimer has been added to this post since i have been bombarded with hate mail from a few christian groups, homosexual anonymous, UNILAPDA ( Universal Lap Dancers Association), St. Paedo's Brothel and a few Mary Magdalenes, Dan Brown, My Classmate and last but not the least many pissed off juniors who thought they were sweet

DISCLAIMER :- All names, places and characters mentioned in the following blog are purely pigments of my imagination.. any similarities to living or dead people, animals or trees is purely a matter of what we self proclaimed imaginative people call coincidence.. any attempt of taking me to court will only result in a detailed report of my bankruptcy

Bless me father for i have sinned.. i have broken a few commandments.. which number ?? i dunno father.. i am not too sure.. but i am absolutely certain that i broke some commandment.. and oh father i was the one who broke your window when we did that protest against the Da Vinci Code.. i threw the book away in protest when i realised that there was no sex in the book.. i mean considering Mary Magdalene was a prostitute.. there could have atleast been a lap dance as a last appetiser during the last supper..or sophie could have flashed her tits to distract 'the teacher' in that cathedral.. although it wouldn't have worked in the movie.. as the actor who played leah teabing is gay.. no i dont mean he is happy father.. although he is, what i am trying to say is..uh.. forget it..anyways.. thats not the sin i am here to confess about...

father.. i have invaded a person's privacy... but it didnt really strike me i was... no father.. i was not one of the paparazzis who took photos of the wives and girlfriends of the English footballers playing in a swimming pool in their hotel... but how did you come to know about something like that ?? oh.. divine knowledge huh... ok..now coming back to my sin father... i am a member of this online community called orkut.. no father thats not a protestant group... its not a christian community father.. it's online space where you can hang out... listen father i shall give you computer science lessons another day.. now could we please get back to my sin... listen i went through the profile of one of my juniors in college... and its like this... she is a sweet girl and all.. and the profile is open to anyone to read... and she knows that people read about it.. and she has mentioned about being committed in a relationship..that also is obvious...no father i never had romantic feelings for this girl.. but one of my friends did.. no father i dont have romantic feelings for her boyfriend, I am not gay. Oh! for heaven's sake of course i am happy.. that's not what i meant by not being gay.. oh FATHER!! PLEASE !!! I just feel guilty thats all.. what.. her boyfriend is some sort of a writer... no no not the dan brown kind... just a writer with some big newspaper... what the hell.. i 'm sorry father.. but the boyfriend or that girl has nothing to do with the sin.. it's just that i feel like i have gone through some personal diary or something.. i feel guilty of invading someone's privacy... no father i dont have CD's of the Da Vinci Code movie... oh Padre i meant PRIVACY not PIRACY... God damnit...Sorry..but you really do push it father.

Father, my grey cells suddenly got this bulb shedding light on some dark areas..your deep dark secrets could get out on this orkut... what no father not literally yours father.. the yours is used more generally here... it could be anyone.. and some other person could read it... what... no father there are no bishops from boston in orkut... although i did spot a community called St.Paedo's Brothel.... dunno if they are related.. how the hell did Boston bishops come into the picture now.. sorry.. how does it matter now... i feel like i have sinned.. now.. what do i do ??

dont ever use orkut... that's your solution... ok father thank you... and please bless me, for i am about to sin

That crazy little thing

2007-08-24T18:58:00.000+05:30

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times... I was in this pastry shop.. having this delicious Black Forest.. it was really only ordinary.. but its status got raised to delicious because of the fact that i didnt have to pay for it..my friend did.. and thats what made it the best of times and the worst of times.. cos now i needed to sit through a conversation with this guy... dont get me wrong.. this guy is a nice guy... who is working and i am not ( i am just trying to justify the free pastry here ).. but he has this annoying habit of complaining about his relationship to me.. and in all modesty I confess... I am the worst thing that has happened to relationships.. and the brave, noble girl(s) who have had to face the ignominy of being in a relationship with me will bear testimony to that... The moral of the story.. buy me all the pastries you want and i will be grateful to you for the rest of my life.. but please dont take me for a friend in need.. Indeed all i need is the Black Forest

If any budding film maker or ace director gets inspired to make a film based on this post.. please pay attention to details that i am adding in BOLD

Queen song :- "RADIO GA-GA" playing in the background

This guy starts asking me questions.. and i answer.. the pastry is brilliant, why wouldnt it be... my parents are fine.. college is ok, going on.....

The questions stop... he is waiting.. i am not going to ask you dude.. no way am i going to ask you...

After waiting for a minute ( it could have been longer.. cos i lost count of time trying to deftly maneuvre a cherry on to my spoon ) he started... She is really getting on my nerves..

As innocently as Oliver Twist asking for a little more gruel i ask The cherry ??

What cherry.. no you idiot BLANK

God damn it.. thats it i am no longer coming out for free cake.. i hate the conversation obligation.. thats what i am saying in my mind.. but my mouth choses to disobey my brain and out comes the words... What did BLANK do now ??

She is so irritating.. you wont believe what she did.. she went out swimming with her ex-boyfriend..

So what.. its only her ex na.. you are her present da.. and come on.. if she was doing anything hanky panky. why would she tell you she went swimming with her ex bf.. unless she wants you to be her ex and make the ex her present

"RADIO GA-GA" ends... "SOMEBODY TO LOVE" begins

She didnt tell me at first.. she only told me about it when i playfully teased her with that guy

Now you know what kind of a guy i am dealing with.. here is this idiot who teases his girlfriend with her ex.. Why would anyone want to do that... But my mouth as you must have guessed by now did not listen to my brain.. and instead asked.. Did you ask her why she didnt tell you before

Yes i did.. thats what is pissing me off the most.. the reason why she didnt tell me was 'because you never asked' thats what she says.. she says i never asked so she didnt tell me.. that female tells me about her friends when i dont ask.. tells me about her family when i dont ask... tells me about....

ok ok dude i get the point.. you are angry that she tells you all this.. you prefer she doesnt tell you anything is it.. i agree with you..

NO YOU IDIOT.. I want her to tell me everything. i cant believe i had to come and talk to you out of all the people... you relationship-challenged nincompoop.. Waiter get us chocolate truffle

Ok there is a limit to the insults i would take.. but thanks to the truffle he didnt yet reach the limit So you think she doesnt trust you enough is it ??

I just dont understand why she couldnt have told me then.. i mean i would have got angry but i am sure i wouldnt be as angry as i am now...

The lesser of two angers... why do i get myself into all this ??? the waiter brings the Chocolate Truffle to answer that question... Ok.. So you dont like getting news late.. you have this congenital aversion to news that are a week old..

There is nothing wrong with my genitals

No no.. what i was trying to say is... that you dont like old news..

Its not old news... I dunno what it is..

Ok you dont like the ex seeing BLANK in her swimming costume..

Hell i never even thought of that

OH OH Sriharikota we have a problem... Hey i was just joking dude.. come on every girl would have been in swim suits there And from what i have seen of BLANK... I HOPE THERE WERE OTHER GIRLS..

Ya i guess you are right... but i still feel like i have been wronged

Just break up with her dude...

I can't

Why did you lose a bet Why da ??

Becasuse I love her da.. I love BLANK

Freddie Mercury starts crooning "CRAZY LITTLE THING CALLED LOVE"

P.S. - All names have been blanked to avoid legal haggles.. as i have this chronic fear of the words 'your' and 'honour' when they come in that order.

In an India far far away ???

2007-08-24T18:56:00.000+05:30

You heard about the Congress's manifesto... they have announced a quota for left handers... left handers get 25% reservation in train tickets..

You have to be kidding.. but why left handers.. why not right handers..

Stupid fellow.. dont you know anything about Politics... Left handers are the minority.. and Politics is all about the minority... when they vote.. the parties get a majority

Oh ?? What have the other parties done to woo the minority who make the majority..

The BJP have announced some package for old people.. old people who are in their death bed get free medical treatment... Apparently this was one of their founding father's dreams... But he surprisingly lost the following election in the early part of the 21st century.. BJP claim that the ballot boxes were shining too much and this blinded the voters and hence they pressed the wrong buttons..

But this Medical sop will be very good for politicians na.. they all have such long lives... Even in the early twentieth century when the average life expectancy in our country was only in the 40's or so.. These guys lived to such ripe ages

Thats the only thing that these guys are above average in... Only the good die young.. you know the Left are still riding on their Anti-US stand.. Their main promise is to increase the number of states in India to 51... that way India will have more states then U.S.. and hence we will be better than them.. atleast thats what they think
Oh dont we already have more than 51 states...

No no.. we had only 48 states and 18 Union Territories... the Left just dont see things right... i tell you... I had always been a supporter of some of the ideals of Communism... Karl Marx must be tired of all the turning around he does in his grave thanks to the antics the Left parties pull... Did you know they actually opposed the introduction of computers in governance during the 1970's.. Saying that it will cause unemployment... It was only during the Emergency that computers could be introduced... That's what India needs... A dictatorship

Oh come on.. everyone knows that the emergency was a nightmare... And so was Hitler... Mussolini... Saddam....Idi Amin... the list is endless...No dictator has really done any good so far

You are right... Let me alter what i said... What India needs is me as her dictator.. Hey where you going ??

I am going to start learning to do things left handed... should make my family learn too... Who wants to be a part of the majority... when you can be a part of the minority.....

Thank you Srikanth Uncle

2007-08-24T18:54:00.000+05:30

Srikanth Uncle was a fun guy... especially to kids below the age of twelve... like i was when i first met him.. He had this conveyor belt of jokes.. and to be fair to the man the jokes would only makes kid laugh... He could always make that boring party, that we ( my bro and i ) were forced to attend, really great fun.. by telling us jokes... funny stories and best of all...He sang The Army Song....

Chorus
Oh, I don't wanna join the army life
Oh man i wanna go, Woman i wanna go
Show me the way to go home....

Chorus ends
The boots in the army they say are mighty fine.. if you ask for number seven they give you number nine

Chorus
Oh, I don't wanna join the army life
Oh man i wanna go, Woman i wanna go
Show me the way to go home....

Chorus ends
The Coffee in the army they say are mighty fine... if you ask for a cuppa coffee they give you iodine

Chorus
Oh, I don't wanna join the army life
Oh man i wanna go, Woman i wanna go
Show me the way to go home....

Chorus ends
The movies in the army they say are mighty fine... if you ask for Charlie Chaplin they give you Frankenstein

Chorus
Oh, I don't wanna join the army life
Oh man i wanna go, Woman i wanna go
Show me the way to go home....
Song ends

I always sang the chorus... Actually there were more lines to the song... but my memory fails me.. It never fails to remember the good times we had though... Srikanth Uncle passed away a few years back.. he had had a lot of family problems and health problems... but we kids never knew that because he always had that joke to tell... or that story to narrate.. and when he didnt have the jokes or the story.. we always had our Army Song....

638 ways to kill Fidel Castro

2007-08-24T18:53:00.000+05:30

The title of this post is also the title of a book that is to be published sometime soon..The author: none other than the man who was paid to keep Fidel alive.. Fabian Escalante..I aint too sure if the U.S.A actually tried to bump off the man 638 times... but i am sure no one doubts that the number is over twenty atleast... But Fidel still lives... and the man is Eighty... recovering from a surgery to his intestine..

Before i continue writing about Fidel and Cuba... i must confess... i do have Leftist sympathies.. but that dont make me a Communist.. and i am quoting a very wise man when i say this - " the very basis of communism is built around individuals not possessing more than what they need.. .this goes completely against human behaviour.. We all want more than what we have.." I second this opinion.. but i have always leaned towards the Left... Although i got really pissed when i found out that no fruit stall in Kolkata ( the capital of the state of West Bengal in India, which has a Communist Government for more than 3 decades) sold apples... Its not like i am overtly fond of apples.. just so happened that i needed one urgently at that point of time and couldnt find it anywhere.. reason the fruit sellers say - "NO ONE BUYS APPLES HERE".. i still blame the Communists for this.... For making me walk many kilometres in search of apples that were never there...

I wonder if the CIA ever poisoned Castro's apples.. but i guess they wouldnt have succeeded... but what amazedme and inspired me to write this post was one simple fact... The distance between Havana and Florida :- 90 miles... The distance between U.S.A and Afghanistan :- more than 6000 miles... Successive U.S governments have not been able to do anything to dislodge the Cuban Govenrnment under Fidel.. This small island led by a very big man has fought on.. and most importantly.. they have won...

The article that made me write this post ended with this joke which does the rounds in Cuba... A man once presented Fidel Castro a Galapagos Turtle ( or was it Tortoise) he said the turtle would live upto hundred years... and Fidel says..

THAT'S THE PROBLEM WITH PETS... JUST WHEN YOU GET ATTACHED TO THEM THEY DIE ON YOU

Certainly not Dickens

2007-08-24T18:50:00.000+05:30

May i come in, Mr. President ??

Hay Come on in Corndee... how ya doing

Mr. President, I need to discuss the Lebanon-Israel issue with you...

What is it Corndee ?

Well Mr. President.. its pretty serious

C'mon you can always tell me.. Wassup Corndee ??

Somehow I cant get myself to discuss something as grave and serious as the Lebanon-Israel war with a 50 year old jumping on a pogo stick...

Oh Corndee.. I am so sorry.. you wanna play too huh... ok.. wait i shall give it to you

No thats not what i meant Mr. President.. it would be better if you could put that away until i finish talking to you

Why are you so formal with me Corndee... Mr.President it seems... call me Georgey Porgey...

Oh hell... This is very serious Mr.President... Israel are alienating themselves from the rest of the world by continuing with the bombing and capturing of Lebanon.. Too many innocent people are dying and you want me to call you Georgey Porgey

What is this Lebanon thing... I thought they were at war with a country called Hisballah.. where did Lebanon come from ??

Didnt the vice-president brief you at all ?? how can you be so ignorant..

Its hereditary Corndee... I think i got it from my dad..

Oh hell Mr. President... What is the matter with you... Cant you atleast read the papers

Hey relax Corndee.. you seem to be really tense... Shall i give you a massage...I gave one to Angela Merkel recently..

Yeah.. and she grimaced.. and they splashed it all over the media...

I wonder why women don't like my massage... Dick seems to like it a lot... He once got so invigorated by my massage that he went out and shot someone

Ya and that ended up as a field day for the press...

Well.. it's not my fault... i thought he was going to shoot some animal

Anyway.. Mr.President.. I think we should give a stern warning to Israel...

You do.. well let me ask Dick...

OH C'MON MR.PRESIDENT.. WHY DO YOU ALWAYS ASK HAVE TO ASK THE VICE-PRESIDENT TO TAKE YOUR DECISIONS

Well Corndee... He has more brains than me.. My Pop always told me always do what the man with more brains tell ya... and he was my boss when i was working ...

He was Mr.President.. not is

Ok Corndee... but he still very smart

Great, now your english is getting screwed...

Corndee.. you are the one who is screwed up.. my english is in tune with the times... the worse your english is the more you get elected.. as the people look at you as being one among them

Ok Mr.President... now what about Israel

Well let me ask Dick..

Well your Dick happens to be fond of Jews

Hey even i like juice.. especially papaya...

Oh Christ.. Mr.President you really need to do something about your general knowledge..

Well let me ask Dick..

Mr.President you really need to do something about you English

Well let me ask Dick..

Mr.President you really should stop talking in public

Well let me ask Dick..

Mr.President you have to stop saying 'Well let me ask Dick'

Well let me ask Dick..

Mr.President.. I resign

Well let me ask Dick..

Dont Blacken Its Name

2007-08-24T18:49:00.000+05:30

I happened to be running through the TV channels practising my remote control tricks.. when i happened to see a flash news about Amitabh Bachchan being a front-runner for the Best Actor Award for the movie Black... Ok.. i am no expert on acting... and i am not staking my claims to be one either.. but i consider myself to be a part of the viewing audience... admittedly a more discerning one perhaps... and this news came as a complete shock for many reasons..

.
Reason 1:- Black is a remake of an English movie, and i am pretty certain that there is a rule somewhere - if there isnt there should be one - that remakes should not be considered for any award

Reason 2:- Mr. Bachchan is super personality.. and a much better actor than many actors in India.. but in Black.. c'mon it was hamming.. not acting.. It comes as no surprise that the Jury Chairman is one Saroja Devi who acted opposite one of the 'greatest' actors and arguably the greatest over actor 'Shivaji' Ganesan

Ok the truth is I have not watched every movie that has been released in India in the past year... and i am not going to say who acted better than Mr.Bachchan.. but i just think its not good for those independent filmmakers and actors who strive to keep the legacy of great directors like Satyajit Ray and Ritwik Ghatak and Aravindan, if the awards go to Bollywood (a horrible term) movies.. the awards and the prize money that come with it are , in most cases, the only motivation these fimmakers have.. their movies dont get the distribution the Hindi movies get... and its only through these awards that they can get some meaning to their pursuit to create moments of magic through cinema...

Cinema represents the culture of a country... As much as Bollywood represents India to the world.. how many Indians can really relate to the trash that is produced from the extremely fecund dream-factory that resides at Mumbai.. Of course, Black is an exception in most ways... but its not an original story.. the only thing original about the movie is the cinematography apart form the things that make it Bollywood worthy....

Last year Saif Ali... this year could be AB... oh hell.... to look at the positives at least getting it for Black is better than the one he was gifted by Rajiv Gandhi ( for Agnipath i think)... When will normality resume.. or was there ever any normality in the National Awards ?

The Art of Living vis-a-vis The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

2007-08-24T18:48:00.000+05:30

Tathvam #1 - Make the most of Opportunities and Seize the moment :- Best exemplified when Eli Wallach remarks "When you wanna shoot, shoot ! Dont' talk !". If the man he kills had just shot Eli Wallach's character instead of making a speech about his struggles in life, he might have had more screen time.

Tathvam #2 - Life goes around in circles :- Eli Wallach's character screaming "One B*****d goes in and another one comes out" shows us how you could end up experiencing the same things at different stages of your life.

Tathvam #3 - Always strive to gain the most out of any situation :- Best understood in the way Clint Eastwood keeps saving Eli Wallach from the hangman's noose... only to return him back to the Sheriff one Eli Wallach's monetary value increases.. best exemplified by Clint's dialogue with Eli.. when he says "How much do you think you are worth now"

Tathvam #4 - A man becomes the man he is by the choices he makes :- To fully understand this tip.. just pay more attention to the scene between Eli Wallach (the outlaw) and his brother (the priest).. Movie line to take note of - Eli tells his bro "In our town you either became a priest or an outlaw" or something to that effect

Aint no song by Sister Sledge

2007-08-24T18:47:00.000+05:30

I have not missed my brother too much in the past one and half odd years. He has been studying law at a college in a city in a state that does not happen to be the state nor the city nor the college that i happen to be in. And i am sure the feeling of 'not missing' is mutual. As we arent too close considering how close brothers tend to be. But i must admit. I really missed my bro last saturday night. I really should mail him more often

.
I was at a wedding reception. The 'lucky' groom was my cousin. A concoction of so-called lack of time mixed with a lot of selfishness and a seasoning of nuclear family pressure has left me a 'funeral and wedding' relative. The kind of vermin who happens to show up in weddings and funerals with a toothy smile plastered on my face. I even managed to skip the last funeral in my family. But believe me I was not too happy about it.

I was not too happy about going for the reception either. Hey dont get me wrong. I really like the cousin in whose honour the reception was. The prob was the only people of my generation happened to be the groom and his sister. But she was all busy being the groom's sister to pay attention to little old me.

What that left me doing was answering questions like 'Hey how did you grow so fast ?' from people who last saw me fifteen years back. But all good things must come to an end and after an initial ten minutes or so, the questions stopped and the different sections of my family took to their respective corners of the hall.

Please do understand that my family are a bunch of wonderful, talented, intelligent and sometimes funny people. But my basic lack of communication skills and a big lack of communication skills in their language of choice and last but not the least the dreaded generation gap ensured that i would not be getting a look at all the talent, intelligence and humour that i had mentioned at the start of this para. Atleast not on that day.

After the initial starting problem i had taken my seat. And i had taken up the 'I am too arrogant to give a damn about what you think of me - but i am a really sweet guy' pose for about ten minutes and then the devil's workshop started spewing out commands which the idle body had no choice but to obey. The first command was to overhear nearby conversations. "Isnt the girl wearing a nice saree". Hell. "The guy has put on weight" Yawn. "How times have changed, the invitation says to avoid gifts". Hmmm this could be interesting.

The invitation for the reception had this nice one-liner at the bottom. "Kindly avoid bringing gifts". But whats so 'how times have changed' about that. I turned around to find out whose conversation i was listening to and i see two angelic old ladies enjoying the company of their own generation. The old lady who had made the earlier comment went on to say -"In my wedding the invitation said 'Please bring your ration card' "

It turns out that in the early years of our independence. The country was suffering from a drastic shortage in rice and the central government had banned parties of more than 15 odd people because they felt there could be a wastage of rice. To circumvent this law, guests to weddings were asked to bring their ration cards along so that if the police dropped in, the guests would show their ration cards and then lie saying that they had all brought rice from their rations and given for the party.

Rice shortage was so bad that people used to boil wheat grains like the way they boiled rice. It was like chewing gum without the spearmint flavour. Rice shortage was so bad, that the communist government in Kerala imported Macaroni. Imagine the poor Malayalis who would most likely have added coconut milk, coconut oil, and grated coconuts with the macaroni and had it with coconut chutney. Yech. I dont need to tell ya that the measure was not really a popular one. And the communist government soon stopped governing

.
Ha whats that smell. The devil's workshop has been distracted by the heavenly smell of Pulao and Chicken Manchurian and Mutton Rogan Josth (or Gosth) and Gobi Manchurian and Paneer Butter Masala. Ha dinner is served. Wah. What lovely food. My brother nust be gnawing on his hostel roti served to help develop the muscles of the lower jaw. He will be really pissed when he finds out about the menu.

I really should mail him more often

From Goldenlocks to Papa Bear

2007-08-24T18:45:00.000+05:30

Been wanting to write this post for a long time. Actually only for two weeks or so. A tribute to Andre Agassi. But a sudden rumour forced me to postpone. The rumour grew into a fact on sunday night and that means i get to go ahead with my tribute. The rumour i refer to - Michael Schumacher retiring.

Now how the hell is that related to Andre Agassi. They are both legendary sportsmen. True, but thats not it. They were supremely fit sportsmen who reached many summits when they were among the oldest practitioners in their respective sports. True, but thats not it. They were two of the most marketed sportsmen. True, but thats not it. They are maried to Germans. True, but thats not it.

The reason.......I hated them both. I used to curse Andre everytime he slapped a forehand return winner to a 130 mph first serve from Sampras. Abused Michael when he clinically pulled out one fastest lap over another in bloody wet conditions, making times that would put to shame the timings that some backmarkers used to make in dry conditons. I would love to add more on Michael but that can wait till Interlagos. Me shall stick to Andre for now.

Its only after the 1999 Wimbledon Finals, that i started liking Andre. More specifically it was after his comment of "Pete could have walked on water today" after losing that made me see the character of the man. He had just won the French. Oh, how i hated him for that. He had a French Open which Pete will never own. I didnt even care for how he won the French. Made no difference to me that he came back from two sets to nil down against Andrei Medvedev.

At the end of the French Open everyone was talking about how the love of Anke Huber had brought back the best of Medvedev, when at the same time Steffi Graf and Andre Agassi were busy falling in love. They had met many times before (including the Champions ball at Wimbledon in 1992) but they really noticed each other at the dinner after the French Open in 1999. Graf had beaten Hingis in three sets the previous day and i guess it easy to fall in love with each other when you both happen to be multiple Grand Slam champions. They seem perfect for each other. Steffi never cried after winning, she hardly smiled. Steffi retired the day after she lost the Wimbledon finals in 1999 to Davenport. No tears, no smiles. Just a brief press statement.

Andre certainly couldnt do that could he. He was from Las Vegas for crying out loud and crying out loud is what he did. He also made one heck of a speech. It was in another post match speech that I started to like him. Like i said before - "Pete could have walked on water today" and with that one statement he had one more person cheering him on. If Pete loses cheer for Andre, unless Pete loses to Andre. If that happens abuse every single member of the Agassi clan from Las Vegas to Teheran.

But now, Andre has made his teary farewell and it hits me straight in the gut, like a tennis ball annihilated by Roddick's serve, that i am really gonna miss Andre. Pete could never be Pete without Andre. So much so, i now feel Pete needed Andre more than Andre needed Pete. When Andre first started playing McEnroe had won his eight slams, Wilander had none, Becker had two, Pete wasnt a pro and a 5 year old kid named Roger must have been dreaming of milking cows in Switzerland.

When Andre retires - Becker has long gone, so has Edberg, Pete retired with 14, Federer has won 9. My point is Andre seems to have been through 3 generations of tennis players. Pete was a brilliant player but Andre had more fans and more people to cheer him because of the fact that he was not perfect. He was a brash teenager who boycotted Wimbledon because of the London club's all-white dress code. He was a flashy young twenty year old who had a hollywood wife and three slams. Then, best of all, he was the man who lost it all - his hollywood wife, his fitness-he became really fat (for a tennis player), his hair and most importantly- his game. So much so he played in challenger tournaments.

But comeback he did. His career has been a kind of beacon for everyone of us. A true example of how one can make it back to the top with sincerity and hard work. He got back all - a legendary wife and two kids, super fitness and most important, his game - 5 slams. Of course, he didnt get his hair back.

When Pete retired, we got Roger. Who do we have for Andre ??

Not likely to enter The O.E.D

2007-08-24T18:42:00.000+05:30

Ever so often i find the English vocabulary inadequate.. so here's my attempt to fill up the void.

1. Nes - a word that is used to say yes when you really want to say No !!! Useful in answering questions like - So you agree with me ? Isn't she lovely ? Do you like it ?

2. Yno (pronounced - yino)- a word used to say no when you really want to say Yes !!! Useful in answering questions like - Am i fat ? Did you drink ?

3. Seabowing - a verb that is used to describe the action of jostling with elbows, for the common armrest, with the person sitting next to you in theatres and buses etc.

4. Seabower - someone who is sitting next to you and jostles for the common armrest with elbow.

5. Hair-plucker - a person who causes you to feel the same emotion that you get when a single hair is plucked from a sensitive part of your body... cannot, i repeat, CANNOT be used with person who work in salons or beauty parlours...for eg, it can be used with bus conductors who force you to get off the bus as he does not have change for a ten rupee note when you urgently need to get to college to write a test, there is a bus conductor in route 23 C who is a real hair-plucker.

6. Extrahair-plucker - a person who works in a salon or a beauty parlour who causes you to feel the same emotion that you get when a single hair is plucked from a sensitive part of your body.

7. Nessie - illusion of a super sexy and hot babe that you imagine your ugly girlfriend to be. (origin from the Lochness Monster)

8. Abo - illusion of a super sexy and hot hunk that you imagine your fat boyfriend to be. (origin from the Abominable Snowman)

9. Deja who - when you think or dream of something and it happens later on but its not fully same.. eg, you dream of getting a blind date with Gisele Bundchen..and the next day you actually go on a blind date and everthing happens the same way as the dream but a woman with a mousch and bad teeth comes and joins you.

Dr. Freud's Interpretations

2007-08-24T18:41:00.000+05:30

Dr. Freud, I have this problem, and i heard that you are the father of psychiatry so i thought i shall come to you for help. You see the prob is that its not really something i detest, its just that it can be really distracting sometimes. The problem is that, ever since last friday, i keep thinking that every girl i see is wearing a bikini.

No doc, i am not a follower of Mussolini. No doc, i dont detest Prodi. No doc, i didnt eat italian food. What's that got to do with my problem ?

No doctor i dont think every girl i see is Silvio Berlusconi. I said i keep seeing girls wearing Bikinis. You know girls who are clothed in perfectly acceptable everyday formal and casual wear end up in colourful beach wear when i converse with them. Oh you dont know what a bikini is ? Its a sexy costume that girls wear doc. Its looks like undergarment but just that its not worn under. Now how can i explain to you. Ah, Have you seen Dr. No, you know the scene were Ursula Andress comes out of the sea wearing a Bikini ?

No Ursula does not undress doc. A-N-D-R-E-S-S. thats the lady's surname. No doc. Dr. No is not a prequel to Doctor No ! No ! - the illicit adventures of a nubile nurse. Dr. No is a james bond flick. In fact, its the first James Bond flick. Listen doctor, I cant be giving you the lowdown about James Bond now ok. Let's get back to my problem here. I see every girl in a bikini !!!!

I remind you of who ? Oedipus ? Woah doc, wait a minute. Before you even think about going there. I see only young women in bikini. You know under 30 years of age. I am 22. So that rules out Oedipus and Electra and all the other perverse stuff you have a fetish for.

Ya. that's right, I see young women in minimal clothing. What, no i dont get turned on. Its very embarassing i cant even look at the girls when i talk to them. Ok i shall close my eyes. Ok i shall think i am in a beach. Ok, its a nudist beach. What the hell a nudist beach with seventy year old men. Oh come one thats gross. This is crazy. What ok, i shouldnt open my eyes till you call your hot sexy young nurse into the room. Ok Penelope is her name huh. Nice. Ok i can open my eyes now. Wow, Penelope is wearing a nurse's gown, an ordinary white nursing gown.

Thanks doc you are a genius. OH NO ! DOC WHY ARE YOU WEARING A THONG ???

Conversations buried in the sands of time.

2007-08-24T18:38:00.000+05:30

Ga ga, goo goo, aaah peee, da da...

Amma..

I want my lollipop. Give me back the G.I. Joe. I hate school. I dont want to go to school..

Poda, You can play only if your bring a bat. I have better shoes than you. Hey you put kusu.. ( kusu = fart )

Girls are stupid. They are idiotic. They are snobs. They are pig headed. She is fat and ugly..

Woah, girls are too good da. She is sexy na. what a figure she has da. Talk about curves being dangerous. Machan, did you fart ?

F**K da. 12th is bloody tough. Why do the teachers need to screw our happiness like this. Can't wait to get out of school and join college.

I hate college. School was too good. Cha the lecturers are horrible, classmates are sad..

Ha lets bunk that stupid class da, its a bloody useless subject, lets go catch a movie dude, 10 Rupee ticket at Studio 5, ok..

Let's get some beer and some smokes da.. some porn and we got a party on.

Damn da. Can't come with you guys. Need to go out with my girl, she wants me to come with her to choose dresses. Shall surely come next time da.

Dude, what are we going to do da ? College is going to end. We need to get jobs da. Need to pay off the bank loans na.

Ha, got placed dude. Wonder where we will be 5 years from now. Gonna miss college da

.
Hell, work sucks da. Bloody tiring. Planning to start my own business soon. You getting married. Wow, thats great da. My parents are fine da.

Business is fine da. My wife's fine, and the baby is doing great. How is your wife and son doing ?

It was bloody close. Got my first attack. Doc says i need to quit smoking and the drink. Yep, I guess i have joined your club. Doctor says its the stress. He told me to try and reduce the tension. I told him i need to drink and smoke for that. He asked me to read more books instead. My daughter is doing fine. Going to leave college soon. How are your sons doing ? Hey how much did your angioplasty cost ?

I have become a grandfather. Can you believe it ?

Bye, I am going to miss you. Hope i shall join you in heaven soon..

So this is what heaven looks like huh.

Scenes that got cut ?!?

2007-08-24T18:37:00.000+05:30

The Sound Of Music :- Maria (Julie Andrews) and Captain Von Trapp (Christopher Plummer) embrace passionately and rip off each other's clothes and start singing the original version of Marvin Gaye's "Let's get it on" when they fornicate in the greenhouse, next scene they get married.

Titanic :- Jack (Leonardo DiCaprio) draws Rose's (Kate Winslet) assets a little small, and the old Rose sees the portrait and curses and abuses Jack and paints Jack with a small penis

Pather Panchali :- Durga does a sensuous item number in the rain with Apu watching, next scene well..she falls ill and...dies. Ok really bad one.. considering what this film is to Indian cinema.

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly :- The man with one hand rubs soap on Ugly's (Eli Wallach) back and gives him an oil massage while narrating to him how he lost his hand, next scene Ugly shoots and kills the man with one hand as he is not fond of men who rub soap on him with their left hand.

When Harry met Sally :- Billy Crystal has sex with Meg Ryan.. ok.. that didnt get cut.. but it should have.. I know cinema is suspension of disbelief and all but this scene is pushing it a little too far.

Scooting around in Pondicherry

2007-08-24T18:36:00.000+05:30

"Peaceful Pondicherry - Give time a break" was the best slogan that the Pondicherry tourism department could come up with. When i visited Pondi, it had become Puducherry, the last thing on my mind was peace and relaxation. It was Deepavali (or Diwali ) and with my hosts - Sendil and Balaji - around, i was sure to have a blast.

Enjoyment is good only if it is 'Omaaale' enjoyment.. Omaaale is a term which is metaphysical (?!?) and it represents a state of being that can be matched only by an orgasm.. the beauty of 'Omaaale' enjoyment, like an orgasm, is that it feels the same no matter where you get it or with whom you get it or when you get it. Its secular, ominpresent and blah blah blah

S. and B. were waiting for us at the bus stop and S. gave us ( me and my friend Vishnu) a 12 roll cap salute, we were on our way to attain 'Omaaale'ment. S. already had the plan of action ready.. we burst crackers on friday (today), saturday is deepavali, so we burst crackers tmr as well..and we catch a movie in the night.. the rest we decide as time goes..

Aye Aye S., Now B. cut in, guys today we have dinner out, tmr breakfast at S. home and lunch at my home. I realised that we had to coin another metaphysical term that exceeded 'Omaaale' in the ecstacy factor. So now, we walk to S. joint to drop off our bags and then we move onto Harsha's (S. homey) house where he has 'night-outs' ready. 'Night-outs' is a term used to describe fireworks that have been designed for 'after dark activities'. They mainly consist of rockets, flower pot varieties and chakras.

And as we were the guests, we got to most of the bursting..and after all the culinary exercises we got to do in Puducherry over the weekend even the toilet got its share of BOOMS...

It was not the crackers that made the weekend Omaaale...the food was one factor...Idli, Vada, Adhirasam, Dosas for breakfast....Chicken, Mutton, Halwa, sumptous vegetables, super pickles for lunch..and brilliant dinner in a couple of restaurants...my waist jumped from 30 to 32 in two days i swear....and all the hogging really did up the ante towards 'Omaaale'ment...and also the places we visited. Be it Auroville (on sunday), or the lovely nights at the lovely beach, or the Ashram, or the swimming pool...they all really did add to the 'Omaaale'ment. Especially the beach, the tourism dept of Pondi have done some good things and one of them is the landscaping of the beach...of course, the slogan and ad campaign could do with a bit of a change.

But looking back, a month or so, at the wekend we spent at Deepavali..what really made the trip - 'OHHMAAAAALLLE' was the way we commuted to the various places... four hetereosexual guys on two scooters from the 1980's, the scooters were no relics mind you. They were in super condition and it was fun to just 'phat-phat' around in those things..initially sitting on a scooter was painful as i got muscle catch.But once i got used to it, or rather once i was shown how to sit properly on the scooter..commuting became super fun...

My tips to the Puducherry Tourism Agency is - 1.Put up scooter rentals for tourists and 2. Change the slogan to OHMAAALLEMENT and 3. Take tips from Balaji and Sendil on hospitality..

UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF COKE AND L.S.D

2007-08-24T18:34:00.000+05:30

So Man came first right, and then he discovered God right, and then...and then ???

Well and then came religion.. ya well some individual or a group of individuals would have had issues with what the other was saying so they would have started a new religion right.... and then ??

And then..you know what i was thinking... they are all similar...remarkably similar... lets just take India alone... now we have Hinduism, Christianity and Islam as the three major religions....now in Hinduism we have the kshatriyas, the shudras, the brahmins etc.. and within the brahmins we have the kashmiri pandits, the bengali brahmins who eat fish, the mahrastrian brahmins, the tamil brahmins etc.... and then within the tamil brahmins we have the iyers and the iyengars...and within the iyengars we have the thengalae and the vadakalae etc. And then we have the nairs, the naidus, the shettys, the chettiars, the reddys, the prabhus, the menons, the nayyars etc.etc.
And the Christians..we have the Catholics and the Protestants..and when we delve deeply we have the C.S.I, the jacobites, the pentecoast, the syrian christians etc.

And the Muslims.. we have the Shias and the Sunnis...who further become the Dawoodi Bohras, the Rabbais etc...

So what you trying to say..that there are many castes ?

No dude..that everything is fraught with divisions..we get a kick out of dividing amongst ourselves..there is great rush towards becoming exclusive in the inclusiveness

Huh....

But you know something else...its great that there is the divisions.. its such plurality that has given us most of our cultural greatness...the taj mahal, the temples of tamil nadu, malaika arora..

You know what i find even more funny..

What ?

Well, the fact that we all came out..or rather..we all came into this world naked !!! and we all fart the same way... Its really humbling when you think that even James Bond, or The Queen of England or Penelope Cruz or Aishwarya Rai or Osama Bin Laden or the Pope or The Prophet or Sania Mirza, Malaika Arora, Jackie Chan, Vladimir Putin, Rupert Murdoch, Bill Gates...they all have to shit and they all would have farted just like me..just like us

Dude !!! Now that, Really is something..pass me another joint...

How does one pronounce Vellore???

2007-08-24T18:32:00.000+05:30

I have four friends from Vellore and they each have their own way of pronouncing the name of their hometown. A. says well-lore. J. says well-oor. D. says way-loor. Dont really remember how s. pronounces it as she was not there when the whole of Chennai llanded in Vellore. Well, ok not the whole of Chennai..but the ones who matter in Chennai took a weekend trip to Vellore on the invitation of J., A. and D.

Twenty two of the most important people in Chennai landed in Vellore @ 2 p.m IST on the 25th. Went staight to J. home for lunch. Got to meet J. sweet mother and his 'little' brother who aint that little let me tell ya. Super Lunch and why would it not be. Mutton Biriyani, Chicken Curry and the vegetarians got to eat...well..vegetarian food. Veg must have been lovely cos J. mom had cooked it, but I was too busy chewing on a Chicken leg to bother. Delicious Kesari for dessert, and 'little' Joel (J. bro) provided the laughs by bullying the life out of Sendil (the class bully/comedian)

After the traditional cakle cutting ( it was J. birthday ) was done with, we set off for Vellore Fort. Must say it is rather nice. Lot of history about the fort. Its believed to be the venue of the first sepoy mutiny in 1806 (i think) and there is a temple inside the fort, which has numbers on its pillars. According to A., the britishers had decided to destroy the temple and ship the granite pillar by pillar to U.K, but the ship apparently sunk on the way and hence the temple remains to this day. ( with the numbered pillars)

After the fort visit, we head straight to A. house, where her folks have spread out a buffet. The menu had veg samosas, pav bhaji, dal chaaval and paledu (not sure about the spelling but the taste was similar to sambar). Non-vegetarians had chicken fry. the dessert was lovely. A. called it a pudding but it was more liquidy than the puddings that i have had. No matter. It tasted super. Had two extra helpings, wanted to have more. Should ask A. to make it. Hope (and hope is like really really hope and pray and wish) she can do it make it as well as her mom. The buffet was a nice idea as they have a lovely terrace ideal for such occasions.

The girls who were staying over at A. house insisted on games and dances and the usual girly nonsense. The guys were too tired but we obliged and after BEATING them in Dumb Charades we called it a day as we had to wake up early to start to Yelagiri and we also had to walk back to J. house.

Next morning I woke up confronted with the thought of breakfast at D. house. The menu contained Idly, Pongal, Vada and Kesari. The sad part was i cant digest Idli and Pongal. I know D., the guy eats like a horse and expects everyone else to eat like a horse. When confronted with Idly and Pongal, I tend to eat like a sea-horse. So had to do something.. thankfully, Vinoth came to the rescue and graciously offered to share a leaf with me ( we ate on banana leaves, really traditional). The vadas were sumptuous, so was the Kesari...Vinoth took care of the Pongal and Idly...needless to say Vinoth has a healthy appetite...a real stallion.

Breakfast over and we jumped into the van that took us to Yelagiri after two hours. Have to admit, Yelagiri as a place is dissapointing cos there is not mush to do or see. Its an ideal getaway for individuals (who have failed in love or who have got married to the ones they loved) or small families who want to get away from the city for a weekend. But for twenty four( as A. stayed back to spend time with her family) college students it didnt offer much. We did try trekking into the forests and just when it was getting interesting we had to start for Vellore.
There are still many places for us to see in Vellore- we missed the Amirthi falls and forest and the hills of Bhagayam. But, owing to the start of training for those placed in CTS ( including A. and J.) we had to rush back. Nevertheless, it was a 'very,very' memorable trip ( it was OHMAAALE ) thanks primarily to the hospitality of JOSEPH, ALIFYA and DIVAKAR ( our hosts). Hope to exploit their hospitality soon to go see the places i missed out on and yes, to find out how exactly to pronounce Vellore.

Of mutton, new year and Erode - 1

2007-08-24T18:29:00.000+05:30

There are many things you can do in Erode and many things you can not do in Erode.. you can not slap a lady's bottom in Erode without ending up in jail/getting your hand chopped off/getting a slap on your face/all of the above. You can not visit a beach in Erode...cos well there aren't any beaches in Erode

But what you can do in Erode..if you are really lucky.. is to become friends with this guy named K.Mustafa Jaheed... I was lucky..so were 17 other guys...and we lucky ones got to exploit ( Jaheed would beg to differ ) Jaheed's friendship and his mother's god given ( screw agnosticism for Mutton Briyani ) culinary skills. "Come home for Bakrid", Jaheed had been saying and at the end of three days his home became our home.

But first things come first, and in all cases the beginning comes first. So we begin at the Chennai Central on the night of 30th where the first batch of eight assembled with their bags ( and B. with his pack of cards ) to board the Erode-Yercaud express starting at 22:30...we reached Erode the next day at 06:30 ( only thing express about the train is the name ) Jaheed ( monkey cap on ) was there to welcome us to Erode.."Welcome to Erode" and off we were to his home ( K1 and K2 buses get down at Thiru Nagar Colony )

Landed and by the time we are through with breakfast ( hot and crisp Pooris with aloo and Chicken Kurma ), one realises the importance of Experience on such trips. As i had already experienced the cooking and hospitality of J's home twice before.. I knew its best not to stuff oneself up at a meal cos the next one gets tastier and larger..so i restricted myself to 6 pooris..ya thats right 6 !!!

By the time we got ready for lunch the next batch of three had arrived and J. had got himself a hair cut..and not to forget the sheep which were to play a very important part in the next day's proceedings had also arrived. 3 of them nice and fat. J. was apprehensive that since this was the first time they were purchasing sheep from a farm, the sheep may have been given lots of water to make them look fat...

When all this was happening, we got ourselves introduced to the kids of the house... Each of them with their own unique character.. We had Aashiq, the eldest of the lot, studying in fourth, that should make him ten years old, the character of the group.. made the mistake of giving a phone to him and making him ask H., a girl in my class whether she wore a bikini in Goa, fifteen minutes and a lot of chit-chatting later the phone was returned, after V. ( to whom the phone belonged to ) realised that Aashiq was eating into his phone time. In the fifteen minutes, Aashiq figured out what a bikini was, punched V. on the head, asked H. what a bikini was, and if she wore one in Goa and finally if she played football without wearing anything waist down.

Akila was the adamant one who wanted to play cards and win..adding much to B.'s anxiety, firstly, as the pack belonged to him and secondly, B. has a bad record when competing with the fairer sex. Reshma the friendly one, who seemed to be particularly fond of V. and me. Cos she knew us from before. Rubaida, the mature one and the youngest one, who did everything in moderation..didnt like anyone holding her hand or stroking her head, or pulling her cheeks..then there was Ajmal the talkative one, ask him a question and you would get many answers and none of them may be the answer you were looking for. His brother Nadeem was the silent one who believed in the powers of action. Fatima was technically the eldest, but she was not a part of Erode as she lived in Kerala, she was just hitting adolescence and teenage, so slighlty aloof.

LUNCH was served - Khuska (white pulao), chicken kurma, dalcha (tasted somewhat similar to Sambar)... BRILLIANT !!! ... as i know what all i ate over the course of the three days and i know that my vocabulary is dry when it comes to adjectives.. i shall henceforth use the word BRILLIANT !!!

Playing with kids is a great way to ease digestion of a heavy meal.. I, on the other hand, decided to catch up on my sleep, as the previous night's train journey accounted for only three hours of sleep (about five hours short)

Of mutton, new year and Erode - 2

2007-08-24T18:28:00.000+05:30

I wake up to sounds of "Wake up"..the time is six p.m...got myself three hours worth of solid sleep... We are off to see an exhibition at the Park which is 500 metres away from J. house. Its a rather small exhibition and the only thing worth its while at the exhibition is the food, where you get those giant appalams and sugarcane juice and popcorn and cotton candy... but I am still stuffed and I know dinner is gonna be BRILLIANT !!! so avoid the exhibition eatables...

We spend around one hour at the exhibition and return home bang on time for dinner... DINNER - Rotis ( which is different from the rotis that we normally have..these are more like fried Parottas...BRILLIANT !!! I love the Rotis that J. mom makes), Chicken Kurma and Khuska... J. tells us that its customary to finish off all the food at home before Bakrid as on Bakrid every food item should be fresh and new... No room for complaints from my side.. and no room for anything in my stomach.

Next day is Bakrid...and the next day also happens to be the next year... so we all stay up till twelve...playing cards and poking fun at each other.. M. alone falls asleep after hittin his head against the seiling fan...nothing serious..so no cause for any alarm.. Jan 1st also happens to be the birhtday of J. aunty so before we go to bed, we cut the cake.. dessert is done by 1 a.m..i can sleep in peace.. But J. cant as the next batch of three arrive at 3 a.m in the morning, and he, with monkey cap on, goes to pick them up from the station.

The kids troupe in next morning to wake us up from our slumber, and J. pleads with us to come for breakfast as he needs to go to the mosque to pray and his folks need to pray too.. before J. can say Allah, I am seated at the breakfast table.. Semiya Briyani, Semiya and Coconut Milk and Semiya Kesari..traditional Bakrid BREAKFAST... needless to say ,BRILLIANT !!!

J. comes back from prayers and calls us all to witness the sheeps getting killed... J. dad does the prayers and pours water (Halal) beofre slitting the neck of the sheep.. one by one.. care is taken that the sheep that is alive does not see the killing of the predeceasor (my attempt at a bad pun) The gonads and the pancreas are thrown out..the rest will find their way to my stomach..ya baby !!

Next batch of one arrives... the one being S. who has had a normal journey from Pondicherry to Erode.. but as this is his first time tavelling alone for more than three hours, he is excited about completing the journey without getting killed.

Befor lunch we get a small SNACK - Rice Roti with a mutton curry consisting only of the organs in the belly..such as the liver, the intestines, the stomach..BRILLIANT !!!

and LUNCH, the one meal we have been waiting for three weeks- Mutton Briyani, Mutton Gravy, Dalcha, Raitha, Ladoo, Payasam.. BRILLIANT !! BRILLIANT !!! BRILLIANT !!!

Once lunch is done we head to the theatres to watch a movie - Thiruvillayadal Arambam..the less said about it the better... but the movie tickets were sponsored by M.Satish Kumar as he lived in nearby Salem, and he felt bad that there was not enough time for him to take us to his home town..so he made it up with the movie.. the free ticket must have appeased me cos i really didnt crib too much about the movie..

Once movie got over, we headed back to J. home to be welcomed with DINNER - Mutton Briyani, Mutton Gravy, Dalcha, Raitha, Ladoo...BRILLIANT !! BRILLIANT !!! BRILLIANT !!!

Next day was an early start at 3 a.m so most of us decided to stay up and enjoy.. and i almost forgot..the next batch of two also arrived midway through dinner. And i also think its fair to tell you that J. mom is assisted by J. aunt and sisters in the cooking...just in case any of you were wondering ;-)

Of mutton, new year and Erode - 3

2007-08-24T18:24:00.000+05:30

Jan 2nd begins at three a.m for the fifteen of us from Chennai..along with J., his bro and his friend from Erode...there are 18 of us who start off to Top Slip (dont get disillusioned by the close proximity of the words top and slip into thinking that its a ladies boutique) It is a forest range..three hours from Erode if you are a good driver, but the driver of our van was only decent so we reached there by 8:30 that is like five hours approx. Top slip is near Pollachi, which is a popular shooting spot for most South Indian films... the last time i was in Pollachi was for a film shooting...but thats for a later post...

In Top Slip one can take a three hour trek..that will cost 100 bucks for four people inclusive of a guide.or a one hour van ride which will cost 625 rupees for 25 people.. as luck would have it.. the guides had take off and the next van ride was only at 3 p.m.. so in other words, Top Slip was a bust !! ( Never thought i would use the words bust, top and slip in the same sentence without refering to a lady )

But we did get to see two lovely tree houses and two majestic elephants before leaving Top Slip..intend to stay in one of those tree houses in the near future..the view from the tree house is astounding i swear !!

We also have breakfast at Top Slip, J. household have packed our breakfast and lunch and some snacks.. they stayed up the whole night packing.. hospitality at its finest !!!

BREAKFAST - Rava Briyani with minced mutton... BRILLIANT !!!

We start to Monkey Falls at ten, and we reach Monkey Falls by twelve... fortunately there is more of Falls than Monkey and most of us enjoy a wonderful wash in the bitingly cold waters.. nature's shower provides us with an appetite..just as well cos next stop is lunch... but we need to reach Aliyar Dam before finding out what lunch has in store..

Aliyar Dam is a super tourist spot..it has featured in many movies including Kadhaluku Neramillae and Mounam Samhadam and we get to enjoy lunch sitting on the banks of its reservoir.. LUNCH - Tamarind Rice, Fried fish (that we purchased at the dam) and muruku..BRILLIANT !!

Lunch ends at three p.m and we need to ruch back to Erode to have dinner and board the train to Chennai at 9:30. Dinner that day is the only vegetarian meal i have had for three days.. DINNER - Masala Dosa, hot Vadas and Idlis.. i detest Idlis so i avoid them and have three dosas to compensate, we rush to the train.. and its a real pity that such a memorable trip has to end in such a rush...but the memories stay..

The new year brings with it a timely lesson in hospitality, humility and togetherness from the greatest of teachers... Jaheed and family !

A toast...

2007-08-24T13:16:00.000+05:30

Brian Charles Lara.. thank you! Over the past couple of days, the word entertainer has gained primacy when your name was brought up, you yourself gave it a lot of importance when you asked the few thousands in Kensington Oval if you entertained.. Mr. Lara, you did more than that.. When you were on song, cricket and batsmanship went to whole other level.. it was no longer just a game.. entertainment is a trivial word to describe the artsmanship that was your batting.

Over the greater part of the last fifteen years or so, many people, more knowledgeable than I, have compared and contrasted your batting to that of Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar... many hoped you had the consistency in the later part of the 90's that Sachin had... many hoped that you had the attitude and humility that Sachin had which you seemed to have got near the end of your career... many hoped that Sachin had the knack of scoring big ones like you did.. many now hope that Sachin could dominate the bowling like he used to and like you always did.... the truth is you guys could never be the same.

You, a right hander who bats left handed... he, a left hander who bats right handed. You, with the back lift and uninhibited bat swing of a wood cutter and the twinkle toes of a ballet dancer. He, with the picture perfect stance from the Ultimate Cricket Coaching manual, if there was one ever written... but most of all the personalities were so different.. and its that difference in persona that has slipped on to your batsmanship.. You are all flair and style and like the gamble, the thrills... so you never slowed down.. your 34th and last test hundred came in 77 balls and in one session. Sachin's humility and conservative attitude has left him dobbling at spinners.. the man who slog swept Warne from the rough outside leg stump against the spin for six, is now finding Paul Harris a difficult customer to handle!

And like you will no doubt agree, its this difference in personalities that the public at large should understand and admire.. instead of criticising Sachin, one should just wait for him to hang his boots. Who knows, maybe your decision to retire could influence it. Its only now that its sunk in, after you retiring, that its important to celebrate what we have when we have it. Who knows how long it will take for three batsman of the calibre of Sachin, Ponting and you to come along.

Your retirement is more painful now cos it was so sudden..you should have gone out in your whites.. I was thinking thats how it was going to be.. not in your colours the way you did yesterday... but yesterday's match did have a lot of poetic 'justices'.. in the was your team hit 300, with you not making much of a contribution, bodes well for the future which you undoubtedly care for... the way your team lost is ironically a signature of your career, with having the record of being part of the most losses... a record that may never be broken...unlike your 400 and 501.... and the most poetic justice happend with you getting run out.. not bowing out to any bowler, but to a team member.. part of a team that has let you down and the West Indian people down for quite some time now..

Brian Charles Lara... thank you for the memories... memories that will stand the test of time.. hope you find success in whatever path you choose to fill your free time, which you will suddenly have aplenty.. maybe someday you may become coach or manager or WICB President and maybe you could bring about the renaissance of West Indian cricket...The cricket world knows it needs a strong West Indies more than the West Indies seem to be needing cricket.

But for now, the Prince has retired, Long live the Prince!

The debility of Colonialism

2007-08-24T13:11:00.000+05:30

The wicket keeper is out, there's still seven balls to go. Havin come at the fall of the sixth wicket, the keeper has done a great job of batting and battling till the end, only that its not yet the end. Still seven balls to go and sixteen runs to get.

The Janjua Rajput born on the 21st of December, 1981, is the first of the tail. He has done his bit with the ball today. Four wickets in a ODI is good going. He even got the marauding opener out bowled. But the deed is not yet done. He has to show his skills with the willow. But first he walks up to the non striker 's end.

Cos its the turn of the Sikh, he is only the second Sikh to represent his country, to bat. They had crossed over when the keeper was caught. The Sikh and the keeper have got their team close to the finish line. All is left to do is to cross it. The innings has been a coming of age experiece for the Sikh. Sure to be praised by the over zealous press.

The last ball of the 49th over is struck for four. The Sikh looks like he is going to get the deed done. But first, the Pakistani Janjua Rajput has to give the strike to him. The Sikh is the recognised bat, the Janjua Rajput is not bad, but he knows his duty is to give strike to the the batsman and then quietly watch the proceedings from the non-strikers end.

First ball of final over nudged by the Pakistani to off, quick single and the Indian is on strike.

Second ball of final over, 11 runs needed... sexy paddle sweep lifted over the short fine leg from outside off stump to the boundary for four.. just what the team need.. 7 runs from four balls... next ball driven through covers for two... the Sikh gets his fifty... 5 runs from 3 balls... single taken off next ball.. the bowler is back on strike.. the Rajput needs to get the Sikh back on strike.. and he does... single taken of the fifth ball..

The final ball to be bowled.. 3 runs needed... can the Sikh do it.. will this be a legendary victory.. it is.. but not for England as Ravinder Singh "Ravi" Bopara gets bowled off the last ball. Fernando bowls a straight ball, Bopara swings and hits air, the ball hits wood.. stumps are disarranged...

Ravi Bopara and Sajid Iqbal Mahmood nearly did it for England... but now they walk back dejected and their Zimbabwean coach looks on...

Mallu Mallu Bong Bong

2007-08-24T13:10:00.000+05:30

When one reads a book or a news story, the most important criterion is credibility..what credibility does so and so have to write such and such a thing.

With no flourish or deceit, I will strip down to the bare minimum and tell you point blank that this post is about Kerala and West Bengal... and the lovely coincidences that these two states seem to have in the sensibilities and culture of its indigenous people (read malayalis and bengalis)

But what credibility do i have... Well, i was born in Tamil Nadu to two Malayalis... and because of the situational circumstances of the nursing home that i was born in and the business interests of my dad ensuring that i would be raised in the coastal confines of Chennai, I like to think I have a certain objectivity in my opinion of Keralites... and my profound admiration of the beauty of Bengali women takes care of the bong side of things.. so without further delay..we go to the coincidences

1. Eating Habits - Fondness for rice is a trait that Bengalis share with all South Indians and not Keralites alone..agreed..but the craving for seafood - the fish and prawns and the strong dedication they have towards mustard oil (Bengali) and coconut oil (Keralites) is something that sets their cooking apart.

2. Madness for Football - Pujas at Kalighat temples.. night shows of football matches in Mallapuram theatres... Goa and the North East have a more recent history towards the beautiful game comapred to WB and Kerala.

3. Communism - West Bengal has the longest running democratically elected Communist Government in the World.. Kerala had the first democratically elected communist government in the World ( prompting CIA to have a dedicated file for Kerala in the 1950's)

4. Simple elegance of the Sarees worn by the women - A Bengali wearing a white Bengal cotton saree with a red border and a red blouse with the red tikka on her forehead stands out in a crowd.. So does the white mundu and kasavu ensemble of the mallu lady... although i have to admit my preference for the bong beauty as far as looks alone is concerned.

5. Arts - Mallu and Bong music has a melodic quality to it..not for them the fast beats and the guitar riffs.. They also have a strong literary tradition in their regional language..Rabindranath Tagore is the most famous of the lot for obvious reasons..but one cant look past Bandopadhyay, M.T Vasudevan Nair, Vijayan, Shankaran Pillai....the list is long and endless...if only they weren't lost in translation.. Garcia Marquez and the like owe a lot to their translators.. pity post independent India does not have great translators for all the regional literature (not bengali or malayali alone)

6. Parochial tendencies - Mallus and Bongs have this snobbishness and arrogance that I think arises from their fierce sense of regional pride ( that sometimes is misplaced and mistaken )

I find these similarities uncanny enough to write a post on them... just hope some Bengali babe is reading...

The irony of Cricket in a globalised world

2007-08-24T13:05:00.000+05:30

I have a friend in Mauritius..the beautiful island off the coast of Africa..near Madagascar. Ganguly in form, Dravid outpacing Dhoni, Chanderpaul's epic innings and Lara's cameo all right in his living room in Port Louis...his dad must have enjoyed the cricket...thanks to Satellite Techonology !!!

I didnt see the match.. I live in Chennai...one of the metros in India...I didnt get the match on TV...but to be fair...i dont have a set top box at home.. ironically my Mauritius friend is in Chennai at the moment..even more ironic, he has a set top box at home.. and even he didnt get to watch it... well what do ya know...my aunt in Kerala didnt get it.. Kolkata couldnt see their Dada's glorious comeback.. many residents of Nagpur didnt watch the match that was taking place in their city.

The match could not be heard on Radio either...gorblimey!!!

To be fair to Nimbus, they have paid big money for getting the Cricket rights.. and I can understand if they dont want to share the signals.. but the irony is they dont mind giving the signal, provided DD have it fifteen minutes after the video is on nimbus...this fifteen min funda i cant understand, what difference does it make to someone who has no cable if the match is fifteen minutes late, its not like he will be watching Nimbus fifteen minutes before and then shift to DD to get the replays of the action, that too played out in real trime..

DD has agreed to share revenue to Nimbus for the ads on DD.. 25 % to Nimbus and 75 % to DD (or the other way round, i am not sure)... Nimbus wants the DD signals to be encrypted ?!? DD says no to encryption ?!?
The I&B minister is planning to take Nimbus to court, on behalf of the depraved Indians.... Ironically, this very same minister in his capacity as the head of the All India Football Federation has sold the rights to Zee Sports...Nimbus in turn is going to court and the BCCI is on their side.

You know the reason why Dodos are extinct in Mauritius... cos they migrated to India !!!

Fools rush in where Angels fear to thread

2007-08-24T12:02:00.000+05:30

The title of this post does not refer to the quote made by Alexander Pope ( or was it a Pope or was it Alexander the great...i am not so sure)...of course the original quote was tread not thread, but i wonder if that really makes a difference to the final meaning.

It refers to the words of Shibu Soren when he first saw his toilet at Tihar Jail..not for him the subtle difference between tread and thread. After he spoke these famous words..he squatted down to business..when suddenly he was struck with a brain wave.. It often happens when you are so caught in the stress and strain of the moment that BANG you get a brain wave... dropping all pressing matters... he got up to business and made a call.

The call was to his new secretary, Shyam Babu, for he had killed his old secretary and that's why he was in jail in the first place. Shyam Babu was not from Jharkand, he was from Bihar. Shyam Babu, a bihari babu, was the brother of Ram Babu and son of Mahesh Babu (not the Telugu Superstar who has acted in blockbusters like Pokiri and Okkadu) and he resembled the other Telugu superstar - Mohan Babu.

The conversation between Shibuji and Shyam Babu revolved around Shibuji's political comeback and was in chaste Bhojpuri spoken with a thick Jharkandi and Bihari accent. The accent can be seen in superstar Shakila's latest Malayalam film - The Guns of Kumarakom.

Shibuji had plotted his political comeback right upto him becoming the PM of India, riding on the popularity wave which he would surely get after he won the Nobel Peace Prize for reducing Delhi's crime rate thanks to the punishment he had devised..all crimes be them big or small will have one sentence...that of the guilty having to clean the toilets of the victim.. if the Govt. was the victim then the public toilets would get cleaned..Shibuji had surely hit the jackpot. Shibuji wanted Shyam Babu to convey his idea in Parliament.
After giving his orders and putting down the phone, Shibuji started to eat Papayas and drink lots of water to regain the urge in his bowels which he inexplicably lost over the course of the conversation.

After getting his orders and putting down the phone, Shyam Babu quickly got dressed to rush to Parliament. He was ecstatic. He would be getting the Nobel Prize for Peace cos in Parliament he would claim that Shibuji's idea was his own. Ha ha ha. He would become President of India and deny mercy to Shibu Soren. With this thought, he started getting into the car when..BANG!BANG!BANG!

Three shots...three shots is all that it took to end the life of Shyam Babu,the brother of Ram Babu and son of Mahesh Babu (not the Telugu Superstar who has acted in blockbusters like Pokiri and Okkadu). The deed was done by Shibu Soren's first born son, Robert Jefferson Francis Winchester III ( Guddu to friends ). The reason...he missed his dad and wanted to give daddy company in Tihar...what a man ! what a son !

Guddu's happiness on seeing his father vanished when he saw the toilets of Tihar Jail.. Shibuji pacified his son telling him that fools rush in, where angels fear to thread. But the subtle difference between thread and tread will not be lost on a man named Robert Jefferson Francis Winchester III ( Guddu to friends ) but he didnt dare cross his father..so he just acknowledged the quote and got down to business..

Shibuji's happiness on seeing his son vanished when he found out the crime with which Guddu had been charged...but his anger abated when he realised that he had a new secretary by the name of Mallika Sherawat...

MORAL OF THE STORY - "When you take a bath with a bunch of naked men and your bar of soap falls down...don't bend down !!!"